Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again? well,the other day there was a fire at the factory that makes them.....

   All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts

   walking along smiling to myself with the autumn sunshine,warming my face, kicking the golden leaves like in my childhood... WTF clean up after your god damn dogs! mutha f***ers!!!!!!

   What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

   Imagine living with 3 wives and never leaving the house for 5 years... I think Osama called the US Navy Seals himself

   love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

   If women were born with remote controls, the most commonly used buttons would be: PAUSE, MUTE, FAST-FORWARD, and SLEEP.

   WARNING: The consumption of alcohol at my house may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties

   A crazy girlfriend is cute. But a crazy Ex-girlfriend is a nightmare

   Fellas: treat her special EVERYDAY, not just on a HOLIDAY or her BIRTHDAY..

   I bet you 20 dollas I'm broke

   The new facebook has been renamed "Facebook Inception". It has a newsfeed within a newsfeed within a newsfeed.

   Miss Right looks Wrong without make-up.

   Ladies: you should be grateful for even the smallest of things a man does for you. Why? Because he took time out of his day, to make your day more beautiful and special.

   Oprah makes $315,000,000/year = $26,000,000/month = $6,000,000/week = $850,000/day = $35,000/hour = $600/minute = $10/second

   "That's The Night That The Lights Went Out In Georgia"

   the new Judical System … GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY … and this is a country that is always trying to rule another !!

   the new layout on facebook has me more confused than a baby in a strip club....wtf?

   Yeah, keep complaining about the new Facebook. Unless you PAY FOR IT, I don't think any of us have the room to complain.

   @ Justice -- executiion was delayed. Just because everyone said he "did it" doesn't mean he did.