Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear Math, I'm sick and tired of finding your "x". Just accept the fact that she's gone and move on dude!

   My family's in the Iron and Steel buisness. My mother irons and my father steals.

   Crazy? ya I was Crazy once. So my friends put me in a padded cell, and I went nuts...Nuts? Squirrels like nuts. Squirrels are crazy....Crazy? ya I was Crazy once....

   Frank's Red hot & Oral Sex...Ya I put that $hit on everything....

   I like my women like I like my cheese. Fat free American singles..

   Elementary math problems are weird. "'I had 10 chocolate bars and ate 9. What do I have now?'" Oh, I don't know... DIABETES MAYBE!!!"

   It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, but it takes even fewer to give the finger to whoever made you frown.

   I miss the days when you could simply push somebody in the pool without wondering if their iPhone is in their pocket!

   Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, the middle one is for you!

   I think I have pretty nice nipples for a guy. Not bragging, just stating a fact.

   i like my women like I like my stamps, lick them and send them on their way.

   I just don't get it. One minute their telling you that they don't appreciate being treated like a piece of meat and the next their covering themselves with oil and baking themselves in a tanning bed....... Women.

   To stimulate the economy we must first find it's "G-SPOT".

   Cancer must be Chinese. It took our Jobs.

   Likes are like crabs. Regardless of what you say - if you're trashy enough, you'll get them often.

   4S = for steve?

   Why do they even make car alarms anymore? When's the last time you heard one and didn't just walk away muttering about what a douche they are?

   Max Factor - A mathematical equation based on the density of the makeup applied to a woman's face to determine if she is really beautiful.

   Two blondes fall down a pit. First Blonde: "It's dark in here isn't it..." Second Blonde: "I don't know, I can't see..."

   Grab somebody sexty, Text them hey, Send me everything tonight.