Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Childhood is like being drunk. Everybody remembers it except you.

   There comes a time when you just look at yourself in the mirror, and say" f**k it, this is as good as it's gonna get."

   It's annoying when you go to a birthday party and you know nobody there except the host/hostess, and the host/hostess doesn't even pay attention to you so you're just sitting there awkwardly.

   It was better back when you could look under a bottle cap and see you won instantly, rather than this entering a code online thing they have now. I want to look under the cap and see "YOU WON!" instead of ED34GH.

   It's really annoying when the feeling of your dream remains, but you can't remember what the dream was about.

   You think a popular place like the Krusty Krab would have more than two employees.

   After a complete high school education, the things Jimmy Neutron says don't sound all that impressive anymore.

   People say your life flashes before your eyes when you die, but Steve Apple doesn't support Flash.

   It's annoying when you think of an awesome idea or thing to do and within the next few minutes, you completely forget what it was, but the memory of how awesome it was still lingers.

   So what if you have a boyfriend! You don't see me going up to people in wheelchairs reminding them that they can't walk!

   Wanna make someone feel uncomfortable? After shaking their hand slowly lift your hand to your nose and say, Mmmmmmmm.

   Dont you ou hate when you're at someone's house and they ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" and "Is that a gun?",

   Don't you hate it when you're angry for a certain reason, and someone makes you smile. It's just.... just... I'M TRYING TO BE ANGRY DAMMIT.

   There's that little bit of you that secretly thinks you'll be famous some day.

   Wishes the protestors would occupy Iran, North Korea, & Syria, instead of Wall street

   it crazy that when I go to stores and have to sign my name for stuff I sign "Daffy Duck"...I mean I guess its not a problem unless Daffy Duck steals my identity right??

   A woman gave birth shortly after finishing the Chicago Marathon on Sunday. And that's why I don't jog.

   It's annoying how people on facebook, post sad youtube videos or lyrics because they aren't over their ex. I've always wanted to say this to you. your ex doesn't give a crap, Your depressing post piss me off to no end, and I don't think he/she loves you.

   sometimes watch birds and wonder “If I could fly who would I sh*t on?”

   Mark your calendar - Valentines weekend, 2013. Die Hard 5: A Good Day to Die Hard.