Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   let's be honest half of us didn't even know who Steve Jobs was until he died...

   congratulations Vodka man! You've just been named public enemy number 1 in a matter of 10 minutes...

   There is perhaps nothing more annoying then listening to a great song on Youtube and decidding to vote up a comment you agree with, only to be taken away from the video to a login page prompting you for your username/password.

   If you think about it Johnny Bravo would be perfect for Jersey Shore.

   Asked my teacher if I was interrupting. She said, "No, I'm just grading some cheese!!"

   It's annoying when you think of an awesome idea or thing to do and within the next few minutes, you completely forget what it was, but the memory of how awesome it was stil lingers..

   If you're a midget, and you don't dress up as a leprechaun and hand out chocolate gold coins for Halloween, you're just being selfish!

   Not sure if girl is posting song lyrics.....or about to kill herself -__-

   I tried to change my password to PE-NIS but the computer said it wasn't long enough

   I got some really nice jewelry for my wife. Best. Trade. Ever!

   I'm not sayin she's the fattest girl I've ever seen but if I had to name the top 5, shed be the first 3..

   Prostate cancer. What color bracelet do I buy to support you?

   I'm worried that if I give up smoking I'll replace it with murdering.

   It doesn't say it on my drivers license but I'm an organ donor.

   im just grading some cheese...

   anyone out there paying attention.... good.... carry on ... if ya happened to wake up at the end of this status go back to sleep .... ... it has little or no ethereal value anyway....

   The best thing about me is... I can be one of the guys an also one of the girls too!

   It's kind of sad that they replaced Mailbox on Blue's Clues with e-mail.

   Sometimes, you have to hear a song twice before you decide you like it.

   There comes a time when you just look at yourself in the mirror, and say"f**k it, this is as good as it's gonna get.".