Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if you catch your woman having sex with another woman, just say the three magic words, "Tag me in!"

   In elementary, there always seemed to be that one kid who had to deepthroat the water fountain when getting a drink.

   It seems like medicine manufacturers have never tasted freaking fruit before. Funny, I don't remember cherries tasting like an a$$.

   It's time for Dora to discover Google Maps.

   Anything that comes in a spray can doubles as a bug killer.

   The brain is the most important organ you have...According to the brain.

   You know your Old, When they discontinue your blood type.,

   When someone can't pick you up, it's easier to call them weak than to admit that you're fat.

   Admit it, you're just a little bit afraid of having an unattractive child.

   We all have that one class where when you're absent, you feel like you've missed a year when you come back.

   They call them "pizza rolls" because"pizza love handles" was too wordy.

   It would be awesome idea to stand around in a large circle at school chanting "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" and in the middle of it would be a rock, paper and scissors.

   Telling a child to sit in the corner and think about what they've done is not a punishment: all it does is give the child time to come up with a better plan for next time.

   If you suspect someone has the power to read minds, then just play Never Gonna Give You Up in your head so they will get Rick-Rolled trying to read your thoughts.

   This just in..... everyone is NOT created equal.

   There's always that one annoying kid that says "Present!" instead of"Here!"

   I liked your post...until this happened :) xD lol <3 <33!

   It would be funny if someone calls"shotgun", and you were to just yell"Rosa Parks", get in the front seat, and refuse to move?

   Napoleon is the only Dynamite that is never going to bang.

   Life's a trip.....tie your shoes