Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's casual Friday. Go give your boss the finger!

   Some people don't need an "Easy" button, they need a "STFU" button.

   The nice black lady working at my hotel is named "Cliche". I hope her brother is named "Stereotype".

   Now that we've separated all the crazies into "Tea Party" and "Occupy Wall Street," can us normals just get on with our lives?

   People I am hating today: Anyone who refers to guacamole as "guac."

   You know you're country when you use a horse trailer to move.

   Because I was born in the 90s I have, so far, lived through 3 decades, 2 centuries and 2 millenniums and I am yet to be 20!

   Nothing is ever worth giving up your class.

   Some people need to realize that Facebook is a social networking, not a diary.

   Recession update: I'm down to one burrito per paycheck. I have neither the energy nor the pico de gallo to joke about this.

   Health Tip: rubbing fruit in the palms of your hands is not a safe alternative to washing with water.

   amazed of how human body transforms food into sh!t...

   wondering if Linus will spend all night in the pumpkin patch again this year.

   - I sleep peacefully knowing negative energy can always be transformed into good energy with one click on that delete button ........ click , click , click ... GONE :)

   Admit it – no matter how much you play it cool, you've gotten butthurt over something minor on the Internet before.

   Went out and bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it :-s

   B!tch please, my bubblegum flavor lasts longer than your relationships.

   In elementary school, it was a crime to give homework on Fridays.

   Thinking Washington will be the answer to the world's problems is like re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

   We should feed tuna fish mayonnaise, thereby saving a step in the sandwich making process.