Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   About half of you, I don't get ...and the other half, I don't care to.

   UK Secret Intelligence Service (aka MI6). They have their own website with the usual "About Us", "Our Strategy", Our Values" etc... Sorry, but am I missing something here? :-s

   Sooo.. In between Mundane Monday.. And Whip'em Out Wednesday.. I now proclaim today as.."Touch ur Toes Tuesday!" Because people are just so eager to F*ck you every chance they can get!

   What's with all the relationship post?! This ain't Dr.Phil! Be Funny..or Be out!

   ladies when a guy changes his status on facebook from single to in a relationship..say congratulations which hand is it this time? Right or Left

   Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what?

   Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A:About 45 pounds!!

   Dear Facebook... How can I be near the town I'm already in?!.....Near Stfu!

   People in relationships are usually okay with cold weather because they can cuddle but lonely people are like fml it's cold.

   A creepy bug crawled into my taco and now I know why women hate spiders.

   I wonder if Foosball tables look like shish kabob buffets to a cannibal.

   Just before I die I'm going to get my hand stamped in case I want to come back in again.

   People in relationships are usually can cuddle but lonely people are like fml it's cold.

   Men in my family don't talk about our underwear. We're the thong silent type.

   Why fat people like chips chocolate and fast food ..it makes them HAPPY..!!!

   The only way to kill a mime is to shoot it with blanks.

   Some relationships in life are like fat people, they don't work out.

   Relationships aren't tests, so why cheat?

   Why can't we really post whats on our mind , because we'll be thought of as weird weak - I allmost didn't post this

   I hate to say it, but...Times change, seasons change, jobs change, lives change, and even weather changes. But people never do.