Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wrong mac miller that died ya big dummy you got a computer research it

   I don't always drink milk but when I do I prefer Dos Chi Chis

   come to think of it...Rosa Parks never called shotgun

   I swear Blackberry must be a FEMALE. Only a woman can ignore you for three days flat and then pretend nothing was wrong!

   Famous people are droppin like flies..I mean..We had...Michael Jackson..Amy Whinehouse..Steve Jobs.. Whose next.. Lindsay Lohan?!

   You ever notice sometimes all day on Wednesday you keep thinking its Thursday? Then when Thursday comes, you're al right again.

   Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please take them off.

   I love how the ninja turtles wear masks. Way to hide your identity, its not like your a giant turtle or anything.

   Girls put lots of makeup on....cream..lip gloss...get hair and nails done. Guy's look at them and say,Wow, nice @SS

   A Happy Meal without a toy should be called a Sad Meal.

   China: 1.2 billion people. 50 last names.

   If McDonalds sold hot dogs you wouldn't be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it.

   I hate when my dog stares at me while I'm having sex. That's why I bang him from behind.

   Let's face it people... Slow an Steady NEVER wins the race... Whoever came up with that quote...Is a idiot!

   I assume a pretend apple a day keeps the honorary doctorate types away.

   Lions, Tigers, And Bears Ohhh My... God! They shot em' all!

   CNN News: Android users will soon be able to unlock their phones using facial recognition. *Not available in China

   Ugh stupid cold weather totally stole my idea to get a lot of attention today.

   My wife is leaving me because she says I'm a compulsive liar. I think she knows about me and Beyonce...

   FACT: Toilet paper is more useful than your precious college degree. At least an "a**hole" would always hire a roll for to pay off his "sh*t" not student loan debt.