Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   she serious with that outfit? Why doesn't she just paste a "For Sale" sign across her chest?

   If you're wondering at what point I stopped caring, it was pretty much when you said, "Hi, my name is _________."

   OMG!!! I am so f'd up...I drank so much last night..i woke up in my own vomit! Party!....woohoo!..I just chugged more vodka to cure the hangover!.....(this didn't happen, just wanted to fit in in Facebook).

   Do they have unbearded ladies at an Italian carnival?

   Wow...there apparently is a front And back to male thongs.

   I pretended to work all day while dreaming about big boobs

   Had many interesting conversations today, but don't remember any of them... Come to think of it, I wasn't even listening.

   Tebow is white, plays against Miami, loved by fans, and only plays well in the 4th quarter - he's the anti-LeBron

   Most Sundays on Fb.. Hop on see all the Praise the Lord post.. Like a few baby pics.. Have a quick convo wit some friends.Then off to bed..

   Just once I would like to hear a rapper say that he is pretty average with the rhymes.

   just spent the rest of my Halloween money on Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale.....I hope the trick-or-treaters are happy with some cough drops and a few beef bouillon cubes this year.

   I'vs always wanted to slap someone that was panicking

   While someone is speaking to me, 80% of my inner dialogue is just wondering if my face looks interested

   THE 2 drivers in Beijing that ran the lady over that nobody helped have been caught <<< just 2 prove 2 Wongs don't make A right..!!

   Noticed a mistake? Why couldn't you notice it FIRST before posting? Why were you in a hurry to microwave your dinner-for-one as you always do?

   someone call social services,,,Man city abused man utd

   yes winter is here .....let the relationships begin!!!

   just once i'd like to see a Price Is Right contestant who is confident enough to make their own decisions

   When we start seeing our posts used by comedians...It's time to band together and sue!

   An Italian chick Linda Orsini, had a lesbi@n girlfriend named Jeannie. To her partner she said, "let's have pasta in bed", and they both enjoyed cunnilinguini.