Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.

   Saddam Hussein ☑ - Osama Bin Laden ☑ - Louie walsh √ - Col. Gaddafi ☑

   If one person has an imaginary friend, they're crazy, if many people have the same imaginary friend, it's religion??

   If you are fat and your wearing skinny jeans, it does not make you look skinny.. it makes you look silly!!!

   I am more impressed with those who ask good questions than I am with those that have good answers.

   "OMG your fake tan looks so good!" LOL JK, it looks like you got raped by an orange

   Halloween ,the only time peados get home dilevary!!

   What's a girlfriend and how can I download one?

   To everyone who is dying to be s0meone else. R.I.P!!

   I was told to get a life so Up Up, Down Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start now I have 30 of them!

   Do as I say not as I Facebook

   A tooth allegedly belonging to John Lennon is being put up for auction… you know times are bad when the Tooth-fairy needs cash...

   What you don't have time for the next man will...........What you don't wanna do the next chick will.

   Facebook: the best way for singles to know if they want to date someone or just poke em

   When things don't add up in your life, start subtracting.

   Ladies: If he is only interested in your breasts, legs and thighs send him to KFC. Don't be his value meal.

   Some people think of you as a ladder. Once they use you to reach the top, they throw you down.

   Alarm clock alarms in the morning!!! Fergie's wife: Sir wake up it is 7. Fergie: Ohhhh, have they scored another one!!!!!

   I dont ever wanna be known as a snitch, so if I ever say " Okie Dokie Artichokie" it means I'm wearing a wire

   MAN: Hello! Is this 911? POLICE: Yes! What's Ur emergency??! MAN: Two girls are fighting over me! POLICE: What's wrong with that??! MAN: The ugly one is winning.... Hurry!!!