Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Arm amputees: "Stumped" for cash? Earn a lucritive second income by taking impressive fisting photos.

   Can we pretend that shooting stars in the night sky are like airplanes? I could really use some frequent-flyer miles right now...

   Yes, m@sturbation is a pleasant, yet quick diversion. Scratching one's own b@lls however, can provide hours and hours of limitless entertainment. At least that's what my dad says.

   Hello, this is OnStar Mr Gadaffi. We noticed that your car is not moving, is everything OK? ..... Hello,...Hello?

   Dont you hate when you open a bag of chips and its only 30% full? Thats how guys feel about push up bras.

   Why do people add "just sayin" we know you said it because we can read.

   There's a “send” button; there's a “resend button; WHY ISN'T THERE AN UNSEND BUTTON?

   You're cute…That's until your 30-day photoshop trial expires.

   I didn't text you to exercise my fingers, I want a damn reply.

   I wish my homework was horny, so it would do itself. Just sayin.

   Glad Doc Brown no longer needs plutonium for his flux capacitor, ‘cause the Libyans are to busy having a party.

   A semi-literate bear enthusiast will feel misled after clicking on the "grisly photo" link in Yahoo News Libya coverage.

   Maybe if the Libyans spent less time firing into the air, the civil war could have ended 4 months ago.

   I can only assume that naming your daughter Destiny is your way of sentencing her to a life of internet web cam modelling.

   Gene Simmons killed... what the hell was he doing in libya

   This Halloween .pour bottle of oil over your naked body tah dah new born baby.

   Dear (:, you're doing it wrong. Sincerely, :).

   Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

   Why I don't like people: 1%: Logical reason. 99%: I just don't.

   No, mom. Being on twitter, facebook and youtube all at the same time is NOT called "doing nothing". It's called multitasking