Aaron Funny Status Messages

   save your breath.... You'll need it to blow up your date!

   I think, therefore I am overqualified.

   In case of emergency, break glass, scream, bleed to death.

   "We are upping our standards... so up yours!"

   Write all complaints legibly in this space -> []

   Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

   A friend of mine sent me a postcard with a satellite photo of the entire planet on it, and on the back he wrote, "Wish you were here."

   I have a full-size map of the world. At the bottom it says "1 inch = 1 inch". I hardly ever unroll it.

   I bought some batteries... but they weren't included... so I had to buy them again...

   I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...

   did you cheat? ... No I opened the book.

   don't look at me in that tone of voice

   supposed to cross the street with the skeleton. But he didn't have the guts

   Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

   Did you hear about the two car pile-up in the Walmart parking lot? 50 Mexicans died

   can't seem to remember to forget you

   Hey! I said no pickles! That's it...I wanna speak to the frigg'n McManager!!!

   in the mood to push someone down the stairs hit them over the head with a fire extinguisher then bury the body under the garden patio

   I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."

   a drunk was hauled into court.”Mister,” the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking.” “Great,” the drunk exclaimed. “When do we get started?”