Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Roses are red, Facebook is blue. You look bangable, so I'll add you.

   You ever check your weight before and after you sh!t? I tried it and I gained weight. I think I did something seriously wrong.

   Yeah, I felt bad rejecting her friend request on Facebook, but come on! Isn't it enough that I'm in a relationship with her? Now I got to be her friend too?

   Yeeeehaaaaaw! I just won the Rolling Office Chair Derby!!! Crossed the finish line backwards while giving my opponents the double bird.

   If Her Legs Aint Never Shook Or Locked Up On Ya, Yu Aren't Doing It Right!

   I want to live my life like a fly, pester as many people and get into as much sh!t as possible before I die.

   ↖↖↖↖↖↖↖↑↗↗↗ ↗↗ ↗ ←← Fake people everywhere→→ ↙↙↙↙↙↙↙↓↘↘↘ ↘ ↘ ↘

   Insecurity is an ugly thing, it makes you hate people that you don't even know...

   You know your ass is ugly when you're the one always asked to take the photo

   If all he wants you for is ur Breast,Legs and thighs send him to KFC. Ur a lady,not someones cheap value meal

   she serious with that outfit? Why doesn't she just paste a "For Sale" sign across her chest?

   If you're wondering at what point I stopped caring, it was pretty much when you said, "Hi, my name is _________."

   OMG!!! I am so f'd up...I drank so much last night..i woke up in my own vomit! Party!....woohoo!..I just chugged more vodka to cure the hangover!.....(this didn't happen, just wanted to fit in in Facebook).

   Do they have unbearded ladies at an Italian carnival?

   Wow...there apparently is a front And back to male thongs.

   I pretended to work all day while dreaming about big boobs

   Had many interesting conversations today, but don't remember any of them... Come to think of it, I wasn't even listening.

   Tebow is white, plays against Miami, loved by fans, and only plays well in the 4th quarter - he's the anti-LeBron

   Most Sundays on Fb.. Hop on see all the Praise the Lord post.. Like a few baby pics.. Have a quick convo wit some friends.Then off to bed..

   Just once I would like to hear a rapper say that he is pretty average with the rhymes.