Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wish my gps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

   Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home

   My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section

   Sometimes you have to look back to see just how far you HAVE come. Dont dwell on the past. Things and people move into the past for a reason and do not make it into your present and future for a reason. You look back to gain perspective, not to gain doubt

   Saw a baby wearing a bib which read "This dumb ass put my cape on backwards"

   Judge: "Wen did you realised you hv been raped?" Prostitute: "When the cheque bounced"

   going to murder the most awesomest person alive, but that would be suicide

   Changing a whole text because you didn't know how to spell one word.

   I'm about to yell inside an envelope!....voice mail..b*tch

   Whoever said “nothing is impossible” has obviously never seen me doing nothing.

   Taking a test at school: My answer is Yes. If yes please explain...my answer is No

   I hate it when someone else buys the things I mentally claimed

   I don't know what's more awkward, Answering Dora, Or sitting there in total silence while she stares at you..

   everybody is always the same thing for Halloween...drunk as sh*t

   If I wave at you, you better wave back and not make me look stupid!

   Halloween isn't really that different than any other day.. everyone's still pretending to be someone or something their not.

   i like to scare girls a bit by telling them"We are going to meet my parents" on the first date.

   Studying: The act of texting, eating, and watching TV with an open textbook nearby

   Childbirth is nothing compared to walking through tall grass with sh!tty a$$ Pokémon.

   Guess I better watch the end of this little baseball game so I can say tomorrow ' yeah I saw that,didn't think (___insert winner here___) would pull it off ! The lengths I go just to fit in. ;-)