Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Instead of Hooters, they should call it "Flat-Chesters."

   FYI Obama has given billions in corporate welfare...^

   Republicans complain about people on welfare and unemployment benefits but want their businesses bailed out. Thats what I call "corporate welfare".

   Yesterday doesn't exist - Tomorrow never comes - There is only today - Now let these b!tches have it!

   You know it's bad when the only thing women feel while having sex with you is remorse.

   piece be with you, especially if it's ass

   don't hug a football fan, give him a pat on the buttocks

   are you shaking your head in disgust or are you trying to jumpstart your brain

   now friends with the couch

   I can't believe that I don't care WHO is viewing my profile!!!

   I for one, do not have the moves like Jagger

   the 7 deadly sins? ummmm....male camel toe, double dipping, backseat driving, gossiping, donkey punching, stink and not having a bell on your bike

   tight end, stuck him, up the middle, sacked him, ball deflected, ball returned, flag is thrown, challenge, incomplete, 2 minute warning, holding, TOUCHDOWN......gotta love Football

   I didn't change; you just never took the time to know me at all.

   going to watch the Tom Brady bunch teach Big Ben that no means no

   if a quiz is quizzical, what's a test!!

   If a lawyer and your mother-in-law were drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go watch TV or just have a drink?

   hates being called handsome. If a twosome is s*x between 2 people, threesome being s*x between three people, etc...then you get my point!

   a train station is where trains stop. A bus stations is where buses stop. Yes you could call this my workstation...

   how long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you`re on.