Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Whenever "your" is used instead of "you're," a puppy is beaten,

   Why do members of the military wear their uniforms on game shows? Are they going to battle after the taping?

   A Zimbabwean man says a prostitute he hired transformed into a donkey. Sounds like he got himself a real piece of ass.

   I wonder which lazy a$$ rapper decided to abbreviate the word "Crazy".... I mean c'mon that sh!ts CRAY!

   I still have nightmares about that time I gave my eskimo friend a house-warming present

   "Cool, I love candles. What's with the knives? Wait, stop. Please stop!" - pumpkin

   Love is just a chapter in a guy`s life.. But to girls ? It's the whole book.

   If you're horny and you know it, use your hands.

   You made me laugh so hard, tears ran down my leg.

   you know it's holiday time when you see a charlie brown special on tv

   Wow...Im sittin at work watchin the snow fall... Its friggin October! Mother Nature must of finally hit menopause.. That fridgid b!tch made it snow!! Bring fall back!!!

   One day, your life will flash b4 your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.

   been running up to strangers, tapping them shouting "YOUR IT!" and running away.

   If you having spell problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a witch aint one!!! >:(

   Blah Blah Blah can you Blah Blah Blah . Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah . I need you to Blah Blah Blah . I think my wife is talking to me

   "I don't want anyone to know I'm the one who said this" - Anonymous

   Definition of bravery: Trying to fart when you have diarrhea.

   Don't make decisions when your angry or horny =P

   The only thing I can truly count on in life is a calculator.

   Sometimes a married man needs to cheat just to break the monogamy.