Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Think about this. Somebody in the world right now couldn't imagine life without you. That alone should give you the strength to smile.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 20:13 by CJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon children are God's way of punishing us for having sex.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 19:37 by LauraP Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever notice the fine print on car commercials? In big print it's "Starting at $18,995", and in fine print "As shown, $420,000"
←Rate | 11-21-2011 19:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chinese hackers are breaking into fortune cookie printers and changing the lucky numbers to unlucky ones
←Rate | 11-21-2011 19:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know where you got your opinion, but I hope you kept the receipt.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 18:55 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places
←Rate | 11-21-2011 18:55 by Weegsta Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am probably going to start my Christmas shopping this weekend. I am not sure which place is better, the Dollar Store, or the 99 Cent store.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 18:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What is air is actually poisonous and it just takes 80 years to kills us.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 18:04 by marq Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has sex like a Ninja! I'm so quick you never knew I was there!!!
←Rate | 11-21-2011 17:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon not every pony grows up to be a Pegasus
←Rate | 11-21-2011 17:45 by Fat Alec Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dog was licking his privates. My friend said "I wish I could do that". I said "You better pet him first, he's kind of mean".
←Rate | 11-21-2011 17:39 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stopped listening to heavy metal after googling "where to buy Anthrax" landed me on several government watch lists.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 17:38 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you watch Black Swan backwards, it's about a dancer who cures her insanity by sleeping with Mila Kunis.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 17:16 by J Comments (0)  


   messageicon read a status today which read "OMG I might miss my flight which is due in an hour!" As long as your priorities are straight mate...and you could waste yet more time just to let us know that on facebook! Thanks I can die happy I guess..
←Rate | 11-21-2011 15:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you close your eyes when you're at the gym, it sounds like you're in a porno..
←Rate | 11-21-2011 15:13 by @RonnieChapman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girls want a fairy tale relationship, guys want a happy ending. ;)
←Rate | 11-21-2011 15:12 by @RonnieChapman Comments (0)  


   messageicon saw a butterfly today with no wings, so I poured red bull on it and BAMMMM... it died :(
←Rate | 11-21-2011 15:07 by @RonnieChapman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never get on one knee for a girl that won't get on two for you..
←Rate | 11-21-2011 15:02 by @RonnieChapman Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what I hate? When you're in somebody's house and you see a tin of Celebrations - you sneak the lid off and its a f*cking sewing kit.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 14:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always felt that Daffy Duck was funnier than Donald Duck but didn't get as much recognition because he was black.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 14:37 Comments (0)  




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