Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Did you hear about the woman who liked it in the ear? Everytime you try to put it in her mouth she'll turn her head...

   You know you're talented when you can untangle your headphones in the dark

   I love it when I drop my iPod and my headphones save it's life!

   The feelings I used to get when I was in relationships at age 13 were the best, now they're just dreadful

   Dont you hate it when somebody turns on the light to wake you up and you're just like -_o

   Its funny how parents say its their house but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too

   I rear ended a midget with my car the other day. So he go out and looked at me and said, "Im not happy," so I asked, "So then what Dwarf are you?

   "I'm strong because I know what it's like to be weak."

   It's all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw

   i have learned that pleasing everyone is too hard, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake

   Arguing on Facebook is like running in the special Olympic, even if you win you are still retarded

   Dont treat your lady like rubbish or another man will just recycle her

   Yes there's plenty of fish in the sea, but don't forget about the sharks, seaweed, oil spills, toxic waste and the Somali pirates.

   What's the difference between Penn State and the State Penn??? Sandusky will be catching not pitching!

   Feels like I spooned an aggressive hedgehog last night.

   I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

   Facebook should have a way to tell you who un-friended you... Not that I care really, it's their loss, Just to know to who to deny when they try to friend you again...

   Whenever I wake up on my own, I am automatically thrown in a panic of whether or not I slept through my alarm.

   If facebook showed how many times I visited your profile, I'm dead. 

   FEAR = F*ck Everything And Run.