Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I failed.Again.Like any normal loser would.

   wish they had black friday deals for college tuitions tho..

   The best part of Black Friday? Waiting outside the stores for exhausted women on endorphin highs to come out.

   Google+ is quickly becoming the "gym membership" of social networking: We all join, but nobody actually uses it.

   The best thing about partaking in the secret santa at work means I can finally give one special lady the mustache trimmer she so desperately needs.

   Notice the same people that complain about being broke are the same people that are updating status saying out shopping on Black Friday.

   Why is it you never see people checking in at the adult toy store?

   Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.

   Black Friday... America's version of "Running of the bulls!"

   I'm REALLY good in bed...I stay on my side and I rearly steal all the covers

   I believe I Will be wrapping all my gifts in insulation this year since everybody's itching to see what I got them!

   You looked good until I realized one of your eyes don't blink and now I can't stop starring at it!

   You Know They Cheating on you when the expiration date on the condoms you left magically changes from 7/2012 to 9/2013

   A picture may say a thousand words...but with Photoshop, it tells a thousand lies!

   I hate it when I look horrible in a group photo and the person that looks good refuses to delete it

   Lesson of the Day: This is your ass (_._) This is your ass in prison (_O_) . Any questions? Just say no to crime!

   Black Friday is all the companies telling you they could sell their products at these prices everyday of the year....kinda reminding of us of how stupid we are and how greedy they are!!

   This country wasn't built on rock and roll, Ford trucks, or even good old hard work, this country was built on cheeseburgers.

   Those first few seconds where it could be Bowie or Vanilla Ice is my 'Nam.

   I'm proud of every woman I've ever had sex with. I don't regret any of you.