Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Arthur Carlson said As God as my witness...I thought turkeys could fly not Les Nessman

   I'm pretty sure that lady from the Target ads is capable of killing anyone in her way.

   Maybe thats why she didnt win American Idol

   I'm thankful for the end of prohibition.

   The Pumpkin pie ingredients pumpkin, spice, cinnamon, puree, sugar, Brown sugar actually sound a lot like the lineup at the strip club.

   Some one really need to teach Facebook people the concept behind the saying, "If its not broken, don't fix it". The new NEWSFEED is just hideous. And now I cant filter sh!t that I hate.

   Dear Friends & Foes: I hate it when you greet or holla at me on my funny and witty status update. Stop raining on my parade. That's what the inbox is for.

   Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Well everyone except you! (You know who you are).

   referring to Thanksgiving as "Turkey Day" gives turkeys a false sense of accomplishment.

   Does anyone even know the ending to the move "Monster's Ball"?

   Because it's the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you're welcome

   I'm an organ donor, but I'm pretty sure all they're going to use is my liver for *after* photos.

   Happy Turkey Day, America! Don't forget to name the turkey and make everyone uncomfortable.

   God as my witness...I thought Turkeys could fly!!!!

   Centerpead.....? Someone needs spell check or to learn how to use it.

   will never understand why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn't the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium?

   Day 24: I am thankful that after today there will be no more I am thankful posts.

   Happy Thanks Giving! Today I will stuff myself and eat all that I can, tomorrow I will eat the rest of the left overs and then I am going to quit cold turkey.

   Hackers used to have skill. Now it just means someone who found a Facebook account that wasn't logged out.

   Define birthday :-the only day in your life.....when your mother smiled when you cried.