Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   12 Days FB gave to me... 12 Chicks I'm blocking... 11 friends just watching... 10 corny topics.... 9 busted barbies... 8 friends complaining... 7 stalkers stalking... 6 party invites... Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeen

   A little girl asked her mom "Mom, are we getting pet lizard?" "Why?" the mom asked. "Cause I heard dad say he had reptile dysfunction."

   Hey ladies that still wear one-piece bathing suits: Nope.

   Breaking News: A woman with a suspicious looking cold sore on her lip just tried to kiss me on the cheek. Don't worry, I am okay. I stiff armed her!

   ♩♩ ♬ Deck the hall with Balls of Holly now has a whole new meaning since gender changes are possible!! ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ Faaaaalaaaalaaa laaa laa laa ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ Tim

   Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn't ask my parents.

   Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.

   We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper

   How the hell you got over 12,000 tweets, with only 15 followers? Who the hell you talking to?

   On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me: 12 Boy's I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvveeee DRAMA Queeeennnss; 4 game requests, 3 photo tags,

   If I'm on a date & it's bad, I'm just gonna stand up & say, "I'm an actor, they're all actors, & you're on MTV's Disaster Date!" & RUN out.

   Makin Love Faces...(⊙_⊙) (⊙_-) (>__=) (=_-) (^_^) (O_^) [⊙_+] (x_X) (-_-) (°_⊙)(-_0) (^_⊙) (+_=)

   If you did not see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth.

   .4 music videos, 3 photo tags, 2 pokin' friends & a girlfriend who won't stop creeping meeee.

   On the 12th Day of Christmas Facebook gave to me,... 12 people I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 bad status updates, 9 Farmville requests, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites,... Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, ...4 m

   You better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you why: you're 11 years old and you have an iPhone, you little sh!t.

   The only thing worse than finding ants in your pants is finding Jerry Sandusky in them.

   Hip Hop in the 90s was more simple. You always knew you could find all the party people in the house.

   Holding grudges gets you no where in life but it does prove how stuck in the past you are.

   Just saw a huge spider while I was getting out of the shower. So I pulled down the shower curtain rod & pole vaulted over it into the hallway.