Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Remember that new kid who always used to wear a skull cap and asked you to go to the prom with him and you rejected him?..Yeah,He had cancer and he died the very same night you were dancing with the school bully..Let that marinate in your mind for awhile
←Rate | 12-01-2011 23:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are what you eat, then are cannibals the only true humas??? O_O
←Rate | 12-01-2011 22:13 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love the instant bowel cleansing I receive after eating McDonald's food!
←Rate | 12-01-2011 21:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ❒ In A Relationship ❒ Single ❒ Messing Around ❒ Getting Cheated On ❒ F**k Relationships ✔I'm Just Hungry!
←Rate | 12-01-2011 20:31 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tom Anderson uses Facebook so I wonder if Mark Zuckerberg uses Google+
←Rate | 12-01-2011 20:07 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon There should be a prenatal test to find out if you're gonna have one of those kids with tiny teeth and giant gums. I am just saying...
←Rate | 12-01-2011 19:41 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like my Women like I like my Beer....Pale, Full Bodied, Icy Cold and Delivered to me by a Wagon pulled by Clydesdales....
←Rate | 12-01-2011 19:12 by MrCraig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted
←Rate | 12-01-2011 19:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Boys make excuses, men make changes...
←Rate | 12-01-2011 19:06 by matt Comments (0)  


   messageicon I eat p~55y with the same enthusiasm as Pooh Bear facef@(ks jars of honey.
←Rate | 12-01-2011 19:03 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon That akward moment when a sentence doesn't end the way you think it octopus.
←Rate | 12-01-2011 18:54 by Gummybear Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two types of girls in the world: my mom and sluts...
←Rate | 12-01-2011 18:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rosa Parks wasn't trying to make a political statement , her ass was just tired .
←Rate | 12-01-2011 18:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon have a new theory! If you ran around a tree at 270,000 miles per hour you could actually "f**k yourself". Same theory would apply if we re-elected Obama again.
←Rate | 12-01-2011 18:31 by Glen Ahlborn Comments (0)  


   messageicon I carry a magnum sized condom in my purse like a modern day glass slipper.... some day my prince will come
←Rate | 12-01-2011 18:17 by Jo Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can't judge a book by it's cover, but you can judge a douchebag by his bluetooth earpiece
←Rate | 12-01-2011 18:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can't judge a book by it's cover, but you can judge a douchebag by his blue tooth earpiece
←Rate | 12-01-2011 18:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I refuse to eat food I drop on the ground, but if I drop a cigarette? Yep, it's getting smoked
←Rate | 12-01-2011 17:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Conrad Murray got 4 years in the slam for killing Whacko Jacko......But he's feeling much better about the outcome since Lindsay Lohan assured him he'd probably be released in about 12 hours...
←Rate | 12-01-2011 16:47 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I'm not with my kid and someone asks me "Where's the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
←Rate | 12-01-2011 16:31 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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