Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "im gonna have to steal this" my number one "compliment"

   Im thinking of opening a specialty store that caters to people with A.D.D. I will call it "The Shiny Squirrel". Or I might just throw rocks at this tree.

   Shutting the door to force your pet into spending time with you.

   The first rule of ADHD club..WOAH, POPTART! KITTY CAT!.. I want Mexican food... How's everyone doing today?

   I guess I'm still butt-hurt over that bad call back in '83 during a game of dodgeball. That fricken Jenny Harden was out by a mile...

   "I'll get you, gadget. Next time." --Dr. Claw, window shopping at the sharper image

   I see London. I see France. I see the Human Resources Office because I made an inappropriate observation.

   Alfalfa was the Depression era Justin Bieber.

   Dear Santa, I was framed!

   Christmas was best when I used to believe in Santa Claus... I wanna be 19 again.

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a sword.

   "Welcome To The Jingle" ~ Bells

   If you're really going to make me choose sides I guess I'll go with fries and a coke.

   D.N.A actually stands for National Dyslexic Association

   If you were walking through the Mall today and saw me sitting in Santa's lap , it isn't what you think .

   All those years of phone sex has caught up with my grandfather. He has hearing AIDS

   Delta: Don't Expect Luggage To Arrive

   Tampax will discontinue tampons with strings on them, it appears that midgets have been stepping on the string.

   we spend the money we don't have, to buy the things we don't need, to impress the people we don't like.

   How you get sleepy after crying, It's like your mind is telling you, “you've suffered enough, it's time to shut down for a bit.”