Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Sooo, the real moral of Rudolph's story is that no one will like you until you have something they want or need? Now that's the Christmas spirit!
←Rate | 12-04-2011 14:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tried explaining twitter to Sharon but her "Why would you want to do that?" argument was pretty bulletproof.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 14:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Things women find attractive: A man who leaves the room to pass gas so she wont feel tortured.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 14:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Facebook: You keep offering up people for me to "friend", but then you get all concerned and ask me how I know them. You can't be the pimp and the cop!
←Rate | 12-04-2011 14:29 by Stinky Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 14:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The other day I was trying to think of Cris Brown's biggest hit....That's when I realized it was Rihanna!
←Rate | 12-04-2011 14:08 by Erin Leigh Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you are useless when no one is ever scared of losing you.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 14:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To do List: Grab a random kid by the shoulders and scream. "IM YOU...FROM THE FUTURE!"
←Rate | 12-04-2011 13:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Baby, baby, baby, OHHH". Dad: Son, are you listening to Justin Bieber? Kid: No, I'm watching porn Dad: Oh, thank GOODNESS!
←Rate | 12-04-2011 13:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I failed my human anatomy exam today. I'm pretty sure it's because I'm blind in one ear though.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 13:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If zombies ever attack just go to costco, they have concrete walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can't get in without a costco membership card
←Rate | 12-04-2011 12:57 by Mc Nutsack Comments (0)  


   messageicon Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus
←Rate | 12-04-2011 12:57 by Mel Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone has a 'vodka incident'
←Rate | 12-04-2011 12:32 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am the 0.001% that doesn't cheat in relationships.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 12:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
←Rate | 12-04-2011 12:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong…
←Rate | 12-04-2011 12:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dreamt I was forced to eat my way out of a ginger bread house
←Rate | 12-04-2011 11:21 by smeebert Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm having one of those "can't get my inflatable Santa-in-a-helicopter to stick to the roof of my inflatable manger" mornings.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 08:28 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to the SATs - your score today may determine which College Loan you'll be paying well into your 40s. Let's begin.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 08:25 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just bought a Ken doll. I don't know what everyone's talking about, you can't read books on this thing.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 08:24 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  




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