Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hi My name is Miggz, I enjoy counting money and dancing when there is no music playing

   Admit it, you love them so you Facebook stalk them. You over think your status updates in case they read them & you look @ all their photos several times a day.

   Newt Gingrich is the Republican front runner? I wouldn't bother getting those moving boxes just yet, Barack.

   When I am home alone and I hear a noise, I freeze and listen.

   There should be some sort of device that instantly makes my bed less comfortable when my alarm goes off in the morning.

   I've just bought a 3D Kindle. Or a book as I like to call it.

   Fellas: If you're playing with your X-Box all day, she'll break up with you and some dude will be playing with your ex's box all night.

   "I like your hair." "thanks, I grew it myself."

   ''It's because I'm Black isnt it?!'' ''Dude... You're White...'' ''Oh, so now its because I'm white? I see how it is..

   I need audio of crickets chirping on my phone so I can play after someone I don't like says a bad joke.

   Time magazine named "protestors" as people of the year. Here's an idea for the Ass bags at Time. If you want to honor a group of people, how about the members of Seal Team Six!!!!!

   If you invite a girl over to "watch a movie" and actually watch a movie, you're a failure as a man.

   Me: "Can we have Up Dog for dinner?" Mom: "What is up dog?" Me: "nothin just chilling

   My math teacher staples Burger King applications on failed tests.

   Bob Barker turned 88 this week , what did he get for his birthday? " A NEW CAR !!!"

   The best way to get high for free is to tell potheads you've never smoked before.

   A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.

   I wonder what I'm thinking right now...hummm?

   Im 98% black the other 2% is milk.

   I never even saw what we were running from...... She finally stop to catch her breath, so I tried to asked her what we was running from?......She yelled and took off running again, so I did too.