Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   RUMORS are carried by HATERS, spread by FOOLS and accepted by IDIOTS.

   Dear God, its me again. If you are not busy making rich people richer, can I have a minute of your time please?

   Im gonna laugh when the day comes when our generation is saying "You spoiled little brats! All we had in our day was Xbox's, PS3's, iphones, flat-screen tv's & laptops, you ungrateful little sh!t"

   These girls in my online class are sooo hot hot. ... Oh wait nevermind, that's just internet porn.

   Kim Jong il last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."

   I'm looking for a LeBron James sort of relationship. No ring and I can disappear when you really need me.

   Putting your iPod on shuffle… “not this one.” (←_←) “or this one.” (←_←) “BINGO!” ~(','~) (~',')~ \('-'\) (/'-')/ \('-'\) (/'-')/

   Jesus had a snuggie first

   The phases of a Relationship: 1. ;-) 2. :-* 3. XOXO 4. XXX 5. EX

   Thank goodness Jon Bon Jovi is alive after all, Nickleback would be nothing without him.

   dont ask me to lower my standards for you to raise your average!!

   Attention everyone: Jon Bon Jovi isn't dead, just his career

   if cannibal kids are in the yard playing with neighborhood children, is that considered "playing with their food"?

   why did it have to be Kim Jong Il...why couldn't it have been Beiber

   Saab filing for bankruptcy? Such a Saab story.

   Someone crafted this little gingerbread man out of cookie dough and lovingly baked it. Now I have to explain to him about death.

   I'm so good in bed that my privates were promoted straight to generals.

   North Korea is retiring all size 3 women's shoes and size 87 sunglasses in honor of Kim Jong Il's death.

   We don't have mistletoe at Christmas so we just kiss under the influence.

   During the holiday season"s prisoners should only be aloud to watch the travel channel 24/7..