Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I took the elevator once but they made me give it back
←Rate | 12-06-2011 16:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon LOOK LEFT ------------------------> you failed.
←Rate | 12-06-2011 15:55 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women find it rude if you blatantly want to sleep with them. But they find even ruder if you don't.
←Rate | 12-06-2011 15:09 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cleft chins are just face camel toes.
←Rate | 12-06-2011 14:55 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Respect to the women who loved us at our worst when we had nothing, women who patiently watched us grow from boys to men, helped us work for everything we have today, blessed us with love, support and loyalty and never asked for anything in return.
←Rate | 12-06-2011 14:49 by Reuben Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guy walking through the Olympic Village when a man askd him "are you a Pole Vaulter" the guys says "No I'm a German but how did you know my name was Valter"
←Rate | 12-06-2011 14:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon says Dear Mr. Vending Machine genius-Please do not place all the fragile delicate goodies (such as poptarts, cookies, chips) on the top two rows. Everytime a delicious munchy falls and prematurely break and angel loses its wings :'(
←Rate | 12-06-2011 14:42 by The Real SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon FML #18402392Today, due to "severe cuts to the budget" at work, I had to stir my coffee with a paper clip.
←Rate | 12-06-2011 14:40 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon That 2010 UK study claimed the G-Spot doesn't exist but it merely proved a bunch of British scientists couldn't find it.
←Rate | 12-06-2011 13:59 by The Real SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
←Rate | 12-06-2011 12:40 by BOO Comments (0)  


   messageicon treasure your kids when they are young - during the teenage years, you'll wish you had eaten them at birth-
←Rate | 12-06-2011 12:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Geriatric Mythbusters: Nice little old ladies are not necessarily nice. Or little.
←Rate | 12-06-2011 12:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I picked up one of those counterfeit money detector pens. You should see the expression on the clerks face when I use it to check all change they give me from my twenty that they checked with their detector pen.
←Rate | 12-06-2011 11:16 by Chuck W. Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are very, very few things it's ok to say to someone at the next urinal. "You must take vitamins", is not one of them....
←Rate | 12-06-2011 11:09 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you dial somebody on a Google phone, is there an "I'm Feeling Lucky" button? That would be great for single people....
←Rate | 12-06-2011 11:08 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes just for laughs, I slip condoms into the carts of little old ladies at the grocery store and then watch for the checker's reaction....
←Rate | 12-06-2011 11:05 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went back to see my doctor today. I said, “I applied the pile cream that you gave me this morning and I got a very nasty reaction.” “Where exactly did you apply it?” he asked. I said, “On the bus.”
←Rate | 12-06-2011 10:46 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mate said he sells drugs to fat people - I guess that sounds more macho than admitting he works at McDonald's.
←Rate | 12-06-2011 10:22 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon Using your phone very strategically when it hits "Low Battery."
←Rate | 12-06-2011 10:16 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should rename Bass Pro Shop to, Fat, bald white man store, thats all you ever see when you walk in
←Rate | 12-06-2011 09:35 Comments (0)  




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