Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4170 of 6444

You laugh because you think it's a joke. I laugh because you think I'm joking.
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12-18-2011 14:55 by Czovczov
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while running full speed, that moment between life and death when someone pushes you past your speed limit
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12-18-2011 14:50
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so.... I'm writing a book about my sexual exploits....Okay....a booklet....FINE....a sticky note then....Whatever....
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12-18-2011 14:12
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<----- threw a crate of Milk Duds all over the floor at a Weight Watchers meeting last night....It was the best game of "Hungry Hungry Hippos" I ever saw!

Why is it there's always "that guy" wearing a jersey to a NFL game when his team is not playing there?!?!?
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12-18-2011 14:06 by WPollitt
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I realized Santa wasn't real; when my toys had "Made in China" on them.
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12-18-2011 14:01 by fadolo
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The look on people's faces while waiting at a bus stop is the same look children make when they can't have any candy.

Got my favorite Christmas movie, A Christmas Story, from my in-laws for my birthday. I was shocked that the DVD version is abbreviated to 90 minutes. I always thought it was 24 hours.
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12-18-2011 13:04 by migasjoe
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trying to flick a booger is quite possibly one of the most frustrating tasks ever.....think you flicked it? think again, it's now on the back of your pinky like magic.
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12-18-2011 12:58
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Got a copy of The Christmas Story today...I was surprised they edited the DVD down to 96 minutes...I always enjoyed the 24 hour version of the movie
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12-18-2011 12:57 by migasjoe
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batteries go dead in the t.v remote, take every toy in your childs room apart to find AA's.
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12-18-2011 12:51
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lazy rule: if you can't reach it, you don't need it. if you do need it, scream HELP!! HELP!! someone will eventually show up.
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12-18-2011 12:47
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TO DO LIST: 1:Buy a flat screen TV. 2:Hang it on the wall. 3:Watch 'The Ring' & see that b!tch fall when she crawls out from my TV.
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12-18-2011 12:22
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I don't need a fortune-teller. I already know how i'm gonna die thanks to all those Chain letters
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12-18-2011 12:21
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I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by dropping my car insurance and not having car insurance.
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12-18-2011 12:20
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Always finish your beer. There are thirsty and sober people in Africa.
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12-18-2011 12:08
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Error 404 : Honestly, our developers have yet to create that file!
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12-18-2011 12:01 by JoeSchmoe
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December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas. Some insist on a shirt; others a pair of socks, and the argument always ends in a tie.
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12-18-2011 11:07 by Daheavy1
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Homeless people wouldn't be half as poor if they didn't waste all of their money on sharpies and cardboard.
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12-18-2011 10:33 by SEAN
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My God.....even I!M not white enough to like Michael Buble.....
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12-18-2011 10:31 by SEAN
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