Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4166 of 6394
My relationship is definitely gaining ground. The judge reduced the restraining order from 400 to 100 feet.
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12-07-2011 14:03
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If you ever see Rick Ross running, call the police.
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12-07-2011 13:39
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Patience" is what parents have when there are witnesses
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12-07-2011 13:37 by SEAN
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You know you are ugly when your profile pic is never you.
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12-07-2011 13:33
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Some guy at work just asked me if I was homosexual. His exact words were "Do you like Twilight?"
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12-07-2011 13:30 by Czovczov
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Some have so big egos that they probably get off in front of a mirror
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12-07-2011 13:19 by trond
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When men give women roses they expect Tulips in return.
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12-07-2011 13:05 by fadolo
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Wanna have some fun? Put a stethoscope around your neck, walk into a hospital waiting room and say "I have very bad news for one of you... I'll be back." Then walk out.
1 universe, 9 planets, 204 countries, 809 islands,7 seas, over 6 billion people, and I had the unfortunate luck of meeting you.
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12-07-2011 11:11 by Ron
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I Typed in search box on Google : "What do woman want?". Google Replied : "We are also searching..."
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12-07-2011 11:09 by Ron
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Lazy rule; can`t reach it, don`t need it.
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12-07-2011 11:04 by Ron
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have you humped or got humped yet today?
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12-07-2011 10:56
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Dogs barking to the song Jingle Bells?... Sure why not. You know what, put it on repeat so I have time to tie a noose and find a shaky chair.
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12-07-2011 10:34
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First class mail will soon take a day longer to arrive. Man, 45 cents doesn't buy anything these days!
The Wizard of Oz needed another character. Like an alcoholic who needed a liver.
If a man's wiener was so huge it gave him back problems, he'd never have surgery. He'd just strap that sucker on a cart & go about his day.
I like you. I'm gonna put you on repeat til I get sick of you, then I'm gonna take you off my playlist.
Lighters should have an attached sticker that reads: Caution: Will go missing in a week.
not thinking too much today, therefore I might not be.
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12-07-2011 09:25 by markf
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A mind without laughter is a dangerous place to pitch a tent...
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12-07-2011 09:11 by LauraP
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