Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   In my books, The Higher the Heels.. The Higher her Standards.

   Nothing brings 2 people together faster than the hatred of a 3rd person

   You can't be rocking the same pair of jeans for 3 straight days and claim you got SAWG.

   hopes that all of you are practicing your "Oh my God, I LOVE it!" face? We're getting closer...

   It's up to you to find the beauty in the ugliest day.

   Ghetto Word of the Day: HARASSMENT. Usage: “My wife caught me sleeping with another woman and I said don't worry honey, harassment nothing to me.”

   still grounded for being awesome

   I don't play "Hard To Get" , I play "It's Never Going To Happen"

   I'm too sexy for my ex.

   I didn't even know Kim Jung was Il.

   Last year I asked Santa to bring me the sexiest person alive for Christmas and I woke up in a box. I guess I should have been more specific.

   How is it that people who think they know everything never know when to STFU?

   Grocery stores need a "1 case of beer" check out line.

   Gift cards are still the best way to say "I'm too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you'll buy drugs if I give you cash."

   I hate when I read this post and and don't realize the word ''and'' was said twice.

   I am at my most evil and manipulative when I think there is a chance I can get you to buy me a hot air balloon.

   Kim Jong II is dead & things aren't looking so hot for his official lookalikes either.

   People who make noises with their chewing gum should be put to death. I just decided.

   We sympathize with, but must reject any articles on how to quickly turn a candy cane into a shiv at stressful family gatherings.

   It's not technically a hip hop show unless at some point, 9 seemingly random guys are invited on stage to waves their hands for no reason.