Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 415 of 6383
Ten bucks says next year Planet Fitness uses the slogan “Flatten Your Curve.”
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04-19-2020 08:20
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*gets coronavirus* but that’s impossible I have toilet paper
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04-19-2020 08:16
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Grandad: ‘I’ve just bought a new, state-of-the-art hearing aid.’ Me: ‘Great. What type is it?’ Grandad: ‘Half past three.’
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04-19-2020 08:15
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HELP, I'm out of booze, and sobering up.
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04-18-2020 20:46 by STARMAN
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Thanks Facebook for showing me dating websites, but I don't think dating strangers looking to hook up would be a stella way to socially distance myself right now, but maybe after the Coronavirus!
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04-18-2020 18:26
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Who remembers when "Never before my coffee" used to be called social distancing?
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04-18-2020 15:19 by moon
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Are bank robbers eligible for unemployment?
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04-18-2020 14:11
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It's raining it's pouring and this quarantine is boring.
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04-18-2020 10:03
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If someone offers you cash from a van and tells you it’s your stimulus check, you can take it, but just know it’s not the type of stimulus check you think it is.
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04-18-2020 09:25 by BG
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Psychiatrist – If you’re stuck in an elevator who would you want to be stuck in there with? Me – An elevator repairman.
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04-18-2020 07:07
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I use the yellow colored emojis. My wife uses the flesh colored ones. Somehow we make things work.
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04-18-2020 07:05
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Your quarantine name is your Amazon username and password.
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04-18-2020 07:04
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Recycling in 2019: I’m not an alcoholic haha I just had a party Recycling in 2020: omg I swear I didn’t have a party I’m just an alcoholic
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04-18-2020 07:03
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2010 Drive-by: Someone wants you dead. 2020 Drive-by: It’s probably your birthday.
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04-18-2020 07:01
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Customer: Do you guys have wings? Me, working in a food truck: just the wheels.
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04-18-2020 06:58
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worm: sorry I slept in hey where is everyone
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04-18-2020 06:57
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I haven’t seen the numbers, but I imagine vampire attacks are way down.
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04-18-2020 06:56
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Paying the internet $4.99 to take an IQ test is you failing the test.
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04-18-2020 06:56
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A Mexican stand-off, but it’s 3 Canadians each trying to pay the bill and they all have to pee
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04-18-2020 06:55
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My husband has started pronouncing s’mores like schmores so I guess were at the growing old together stage.
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04-18-2020 06:54
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