Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if she got gold in her mouth....she's too hood for you bro

   Be choosey about who you let into your life and be selective about who you let stay.

   if her rims are worth more than her car, she's too hood for you bro

   I am more bored than an Easter Bunny in December.

   It wasn't my fault I got drunk!!! I was thirsty ;) x

   I refuse to go bungee jumping...I came into this world because of a broken rubber, I'm not leaving because of one!!

   Don't be unhappy if your dreams never come true -- just be thankful your nightmares don't.

   There are no "good people"....Only good bullsh*tters.

   Damn you Migasjoe and your BookOfTebow!

   Dude, quit posting your stupid Tebow crap.

   Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn't spell out, “The rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.

   Facebook just suggested I be friends with my ex. I marked it 'Offensive

   "I wasn't that drunk." ... "Dude you destroyed my moms garden while yelling, "F**K farmville!"

   I was stopped 4 speeding! The officer got out of her car, Said to me"'I been waiting 4u all day''.I replied "Got here as fast as I can". she laugh and let me go!

   mix in some vodka and call it a meal

   If your happy and you know it share your meds, if your happy........

   I realize there are better things in this world than beer...but beer makes up for the fact that I don't have any of them.

   nobody is going to give you a $100 gift card just for liking their business on Facebook. If your that dumb you shouldn't be on the internet to start with.

   life is sooooooo much funnier when you have a dirty mind

   no matter how old you are, if a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.