Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Drawing sunglasses on the sun never really made sense to me.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 14:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's hard to get people's sympathy when your life is in shambles, mainly because the word shambles sounds so darn adorable. Shambles!
←Rate | 12-19-2011 14:18 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Probably didnt think through the whole yelling at my boss 'Youre not the boss of me, Bruce Springsteen is.'
←Rate | 12-19-2011 14:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like big butts, but unfortunately I do lie. So really, I dont like big butts...Or do I? You'll never know.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 14:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Despite protests, my wife has yet to step down from her post as the oppressive leader of our house.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 14:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon 'You know what really pushes my buttons?....You People.' - Elevators
←Rate | 12-19-2011 14:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can tell a lot about a girl by her hands. For instance, if theyre placed around your throat shes probably a violent person.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 14:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I'm getting tired of running and he's catching up to me
←Rate | 12-19-2011 14:01 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm wearing “thongs” right now, but it's not what you think. I have some flip-flops in my butt.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 13:59 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It takes 42 muscles to frown, but it takes no muscles to be completely expressionless all the time.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 13:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you use the word "Humorous" when you could say "Funny," you're just outing yourself as a douchebag.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 13:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon .it's almost time for my OBGYN appointment and I haven't even bought a doctor's coat or faked my credentials yet.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 13:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's always a ho or a rumour that ruins every relationship
←Rate | 12-19-2011 13:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In my books, The Higher the Heels.. The Higher her Standards.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 13:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing brings 2 people together faster than the hatred of a 3rd person
←Rate | 12-19-2011 13:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can't be rocking the same pair of jeans for 3 straight days and claim you got SAWG.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 13:28 by Reuben Comments (0)  


   messageicon hopes that all of you are practicing your "Oh my God, I LOVE it!" face? We're getting closer...
←Rate | 12-19-2011 13:23 by hoosiergatorfan Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's up to you to find the beauty in the ugliest day.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 13:11 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ghetto Word of the Day: HARASSMENT. Usage: “My wife caught me sleeping with another woman and I said don't worry honey, harassment nothing to me.”
←Rate | 12-19-2011 13:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon still grounded for being awesome
←Rate | 12-19-2011 13:01 Comments (0)  




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