Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You know you back in Miami, when You pull up to a light and a Bum throws a quarter at you.

   i guess its getting time to do my christmas shopping,i will go to the dollar store for my big gifts and from there I will come back home and see if I can find somethings around the house that they havn't seen in awhile.

   I just bought Monopoly, 2011 special edition. It's really not fun to play. The banker always wins.

   so much for the discount double check aaron rogers

   For xmas my wife is getting SWIFFA so she can have fun while cleaning too.!!!

   With the weather being the way it is, the only way you could have a white Christmas is if Santa brought you cocaine.

   That education connection girl couldn't have graduated because she is still in low budget commercials.

   Another sign the world is coming to an end: The Packers are losing and the Colts are winning.

   Bathroom model = Body like a stripper + Face like a truck driver!

   Nothing like a dysfunctional family trying to function for the Holidays.

   Dear Santa, I promise to be good next year… ;)

   Amazing,,, that all the xmas gifts I bought today were made in china ,,like what are the odds on that ..!!!

   Profile Pictures: Guys- (•_•) Girls- (°3°)

   when my wife isn't home, i'm the head of the household and what I say goes!!!

   I hate ants but I love fire= Not a good combination for the ants.>:D

   the moment of horror when you are in a public restroom, your pee goes in 3 differant directions and you piss on your pant leg.

   the moment of horror after talking to a gorgeous woman, when you go to the men's room and spot a visible booger hanging out of your nose.

   You laugh because you think it's a joke. I laugh because you think I'm joking.

   while running full speed, that moment between life and death when someone pushes you past your speed limit

   so.... I'm writing a book about my sexual exploits....Okay....a booklet....FINE....a sticky note then....Whatever....