Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4078 of 6452

Anti-obesity ads featuring fat kids are causing controversy in Georgia. Unfortunately, none of them are forced to to the "truffle shuffle."

"We found lunch in a homeless place" - Rihanna in a soup kitchen

I was gonna update my status, but then I got high.

If you ever hire me to work for you, don't pay me money, pay me with 12 cases of beer. That's where all the money is going anyway!

What concert ticket costs 0.45 cents? .... 50 cent Feat. Nickleback....
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01-13-2012 20:09 by NJS
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men always notice it's cold when their nipples become larger than their balls
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01-13-2012 19:21
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go out tonight and sow your wild oats, then wake up tomorrow and pray like hell for crop failure.
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01-13-2012 17:48
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Happy Beer the 13th
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01-13-2012 17:46 by Steve OH
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4000 women in Scotland may have breast implants with silicone intended for mattresses. Imagine. Boobs with memory foam and sleep numbers.
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01-13-2012 17:29 by SEAN
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I like jury duty because it's a fun reminder that one day my life could be in the hands of a guy wearing Velcro shoes.
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01-13-2012 17:27 by SEAN
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"Dude she has a bf" " Yeah so? Soccer has a goalie, doesn't mean you can't score"
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01-13-2012 16:52
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wondering if I'll still be able to get funny updates for my facebook on Jan.18th once the SOPA bill takes effect. Wait, will I even have a Facebook??!?
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01-13-2012 16:16
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Why do people complain about how broke/poor they are sitting at the bar drinking beer and smoking cigarettes?
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01-13-2012 16:13 by ff1241
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The only thing more stressful than a blind date is meeting a new drug dealer for the first time.
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01-13-2012 16:10 by fadolo
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I bought a bag of air that contained some chips
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01-13-2012 16:06 by flinnie
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No, it's not OK to call him "tardy", but if he does it again it's OK to call him a "re-tard".
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01-13-2012 16:04 by Bryant
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We now live in a time where people choose their insurance providers based on who's TV commercial is funnier
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01-13-2012 16:02 by flinnie
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I never banng a blakc chikk, not 'cause I'm rasis it's just that I'm more of a "run my fingers through her hair" kinda guy.
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01-13-2012 15:58 by fadolo
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Worked out for an hour. Ate two brownies. Somehow I am able to justify this because its Friday...

What if birds are just out of control napkins.
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01-13-2012 15:43 by Aaron
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