Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Anti-obesity ads featuring fat kids are causing controversy in Georgia. Unfortunately, none of them are forced to to the "truffle shuffle."
←Rate | 01-13-2012 20:58 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon "We found lunch in a homeless place" - Rihanna in a soup kitchen
←Rate | 01-13-2012 20:56 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was gonna update my status, but then I got high.
←Rate | 01-13-2012 20:47 by @yungrekay91 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ever hire me to work for you, don't pay me money, pay me with 12 cases of beer. That's where all the money is going anyway!
←Rate | 01-13-2012 20:43 by @yungrekay91 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What concert ticket costs 0.45 cents? .... 50 cent Feat. Nickleback....
←Rate | 01-13-2012 20:09 by NJS Comments (0)  


   messageicon men always notice it's cold when their nipples become larger than their balls
←Rate | 01-13-2012 19:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon go out tonight and sow your wild oats, then wake up tomorrow and pray like hell for crop failure.
←Rate | 01-13-2012 17:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Beer the 13th
←Rate | 01-13-2012 17:46 by Steve OH Comments (0)  


   messageicon 4000 women in Scotland may have breast implants with silicone intended for mattresses. Imagine. Boobs with memory foam and sleep numbers.
←Rate | 01-13-2012 17:29 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like jury duty because it's a fun reminder that one day my life could be in the hands of a guy wearing Velcro shoes.
←Rate | 01-13-2012 17:27 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Dude she has a bf" " Yeah so? Soccer has a goalie, doesn't mean you can't score"
←Rate | 01-13-2012 16:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering if I'll still be able to get funny updates for my facebook on Jan.18th once the SOPA bill takes effect. Wait, will I even have a Facebook??!?
←Rate | 01-13-2012 16:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do people complain about how broke/poor they are sitting at the bar drinking beer and smoking cigarettes?
←Rate | 01-13-2012 16:13 by ff1241 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing more stressful than a blind date is meeting a new drug dealer for the first time.
←Rate | 01-13-2012 16:10 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bought a bag of air that contained some chips
←Rate | 01-13-2012 16:06 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon No, it's not OK to call him "tardy", but if he does it again it's OK to call him a "re-tard".
←Rate | 01-13-2012 16:04 by Bryant Comments (0)  


   messageicon We now live in a time where people choose their insurance providers based on who's TV commercial is funnier
←Rate | 01-13-2012 16:02 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never banng a blakc chikk, not 'cause I'm rasis it's just that I'm more of a "run my fingers through her hair" kinda guy.
←Rate | 01-13-2012 15:58 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon Worked out for an hour. Ate two brownies. Somehow I am able to justify this because its Friday...
←Rate | 01-13-2012 15:50 by yeah i post here Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if birds are just out of control napkins.
←Rate | 01-13-2012 15:43 by Aaron Comments (0)  




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