Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Gotta check my undies; I just made a Joyful Noise.

   Marriage is like a deck of cards: In the beginning all you need are two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

   When I was in the 10th grade I was taught $ex-ed by a 65-year-old nun, which is kind of like taking barbecue lessons from a vegetarian.

   The last time a Christian was that thoroughly torn apart, Caligula was Emporer.

   "Ooh, the game was tonight?"- God

   "It is better to have been on penici!!in, than to have never loved at all."

   There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but to catch them, you must first become a Master Baiter. :))

   You don't have to like me, I'm not a Facebook status

   Not even FEMA could help the saints

   Too many hood guys not enough good guys..

   I don't consider myself a Tebow hater...that label is placed on we Tebow realists by his sycophantic minions. Just now...he threw a dead on pass...at the receiver's ankles.

   Sorry Tim. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away

   Sorry Tim. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.

   If you're not happy being single, you'll never be happy in a relationship... Get ya life in order before you try to share it with someone else.

   Iron Man is a super hero. Iron Woman is a command.

   Hang on Tim, God is caught in traffic. Still hasn't arrived in Foxboro yet.

   in TIME OUT because riding the dog like it's a Small Horse is frowned upon in this establishment...

   Watching the Cowboys. The John Wayne ones, not the loosing ones.

   Friends are like trees. They both fall down after being hit multiple times with an ax.

   The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.