Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I have a dream, that I could just get paid for having a dream.

   Every rapper out there thinks they are the next Tupac. But they seem to want to bypass the part where Tupac was the hype man on the Humpty dance.

   We live in a world where losing your phone is more dramatic than losing your virginity

   The LIKE button: also for choosing sides in a Facebook argument without saying anything.

   Happy "Most of Alabama Hates This Day" Day!

   Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies is the main reason why I have trust issues.

   I have sexdaily. Oops, I mean sexilady...no, sexydial...uh isexlady...no, I really mean sexyladi...um ladiesxy? Dyslexia - there that's it!

   I guess it did mean "Discount Double Check" after all

   On this day remember an American Legend, Robert E. Lee, someone worth remembering.

   Hostess is filing for bankruptcy? Buy all the twinkles, zingers, and ho's ho's as you can! D:

   I wonder if young people on honeymoons today have as much sex as we did when I was young. For the first week on our cruise, most people thought my wife and I were Siamese twins.

   Judging from Axl Rose's physique, Paradise City has green grass, pretty girls and an abundance of Twinkies.

   I am never affected, moved or swayed by the sheer numbers of people in any particular group for I know that even idiots and fools know how to congregate.

   I hope my CEO doesn't come here as the Undercover Boss cause I'd be like, "Ahh, don't worry about that mess. It'll be there tomorrow... BREAK TIME!"

   What makes you laugh... might surely make someone else laugh. And with laughter... comes smiles... and with smiles... comes happiness! It can be that simple!

   a good driver discount, a good student discount. what about a watching an anoying lizard in a stupid comercial discount?

   cant have an openly religious football player in the NFL, that would be bad. it needs more accused murderers, rapists and morons who shoot themselves in the leg.

   Rather than waste money going to strip clubs I can save it by just staying here on Facebook and watch some sluts' profile pics.

   Hey Green Bay I bet your having a lot of W(H)INE with your cheese tonight.

   Just when I thought there was hope for humanity, I walked into Walmart. We're all doomed.