Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I hate it when feelings get in the way of smart decisions.

   it just me? Or are the three finalists at the end of Funniest Home Videos never the funniest?

   Touch it gently, put 2 fingers inside, if it's wide use 3 fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.

   Freedom and Human rights are more significant in life compared to science, innovations, modernization, self-righteousness and bigotry... Happy Martin Luther King Day America

   It doesn't matter how many times I find myself, coz there'll always be someone telling me to get lost.

   "Take a breath... take it deep" ...brought to you by "Rihanna's daily health tips"

   I woke up humping the wall of my pillow fort, in case you were wondering how my s@x life is going.

   I now know that asking "How 'bout those Packers" gets you a different response from gay men verses the straight ones.

   ~• << Picture of me when I was younger, I was so cute. :D

   somebody stole my bookbag, now I dont have a pillow to use in class.. .

   wonders if there is a connection beween Jennifer Hudson's Weight loss & Hostess filing Chapter 11

   You know you are addicted to Facebook when you log off Facebook..... turn your computer off.... go to bed, roll over & put the covers on you and log onto your Facebook from your phone one last time for the night.

    says celebrating MLK day by drinking MILK and eatin' some cookies...Oreos as a matter of fact. However I'm seperating the dark from the white part :Y

   celebrating MLK day by drinking MILK and eatin' some cookies...

   I don't understand banks. Why do they attach chains to their pens. If I'm trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens.

   I don't understand why people don't see the beauty in asthma attacks, Personally, I find them breathtaking.

   Call Me. I can't wait to tell you about my vow of silence!

   If I ever run into Captian Crunch, I'm gonna punch him in the roof of his mouth.

   I went and saw beauty and the beast the other day, it wasn't as interesting as I thought it would be. He was pushing a cart and she was drinking a diet coke while sifting through the 5 dollar movies at Wal Mart........

   While Obama was on the campaign trail for President, he said, if elected he was going to go "page by page eleminating the programs that do not work"...nobody had any idea that he was refering to the White House cable guide...