Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Fuzzy, shaved, hairy, landing strip, brazilian, I love them all..

   Wondering if there will be an 'End of the World Sale'

   You can steal my status if you like but just know I lick each one before I post them!

   Happy Birthday to one of the greatest athletes EVER ..Muhammad Ali ...Happy 70th

   Can someone please tell me why Johnny Depp has an British/Irish/ or something European accent??? The man is from KENTUCKY... Not Ken-toh-kay... but KEN-Yeee Haw-TUCKY!!!

   Do you think they will have an end of the world sale?

   I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone's lawns so freshly mowed.

   Trying to understand quantum physics. Cause trying to understand women is just too damn hard.

   I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.

   What would it take to bring back fat Al Roker? I feel like we were a better America then.

   If antihistamines are used to make meth, then it stands to reason that meth will help my chest cold.

   You can call me many things but never, ever call me a 'scofflaw'. It's a stupid word.

   Stop 2nd guessing yourself! No seriously you should be 7th guessing yourself instead.

   IDKFA! <---if you remember what this did then your unstoppable

   Can you imagine the panic that ensuses when the actor who plays the Mayhem character in the Allstate commercials boards a commercial flight?

   Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?

   If The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas

   Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light

   How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?

   If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and your the main witness, what if you say "no"?