Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Want to hurt someone's confidence? Shoot them with a gun.

   How much teenagers care about politics. Regular topic: lol wat? Presidential election: meh. Threaten the Internet: it's the most important thing ever.

   snow!! where as..all lawns are created equal

   Sometimes I wish there was a 'Build-a-Girlfriend'.

   As hard as DJ khaled trys I can never take him serious

   Saturday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)

   marry the 1st girl who unhooks it for you! She hates to see you struggle

   I have this roomie who must go thru half a roll of toilet paper every time she uses the bathroom. I'm going broke. Some people are so @nal when it comes to wiping their a$$.

   Behind every great man is a great woman telling him he's not as great as he thinks he is.

   "My alarm clock probably thinks I have anger-management issues."

   The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.

   Late fees make no sense. Charge me more money for not having enough money to pay you in the first place. Same with overdraft fees. I'm $2.00 short in my account (which means there is no money in there)......so take out $35.00 more.

   Well, this morning has started out like a galloping golden retriever on a freshly waxed hardwood floor.

   I'm giving you all the MTQ $ex Guarantee. I guarantee you all will have $ex tonight. It's just that it may not be with another person.

   Do I hate people that ask questions and answer them themselves? Yes, yes I do!!

   A man who saved a 10 year old girl from being abducted claims to be an illegal immigrant. Great, now they're stealing Batman's job too.

   Google the terms SOPA an Chris Dodd and you will discover the true source of SOPA and a far over-reaching government..

   Coming soon this decade, GREAT DEPRESSION 2. Starring the U.S. Citizens. Produced by NWO. Directed by "The Ones Who Run This Country". This event is rated EF for Everybody's F*cked.

   Do you look at a Doritos chip closely at how much flavor is on it right before you eat it? The more flavor, the better.

   I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge ... when I'm high.