Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What do women want? (I'm bored and this should be very entertaing)

   The older your Facebook post, The "Creepier " your like becomes.

   Parents: You can help fight childhood obesity by stop feeding your child, fatty foods!!

   facebook..... its like The Hotel California... You can check in at any time... But you can't never leave!!!

   There's a rumor going around that Google will be changing it's name to Skynet.

   I like big chested women. And pirates.

   Anyone know the price of Subway footlongs? Wished they tell us somehow

   Home: the place I can poop for as long as I want to.

   My neighbor asked me to look something up on my "internet machine".

   How cool would it be to be rich enough to own a falcon? I think there's a difference between being rich, and then there's owning a falcon rich....:)

   just made love to Luisa Gronqvist in the middle of the street.

   says I've heard that the hardest part of Rollerblading is telling your parents that you're gay.

   Every time I'm in line and someone is taking too long I look around and think "Is this where I wan't to start my mass murdering spree?"

   If a girl is standing and shouting through the sunroof of a limo, that limo has turned on its slut siren.

   Can someone please explain why I have to pay full price for Swiss Cheese

   The greatest thing about living near a prison is, my Sunday afternoon sprints down the highway in an orange jumpsuit...

   OMG! I just saw an albino Polar Bear...

   The people doing it in pornos are in love, right?

   Edison stole the idea for the lightbulb from the lightbulb that appeared above his head when he got the idea for the phonograph.

   Bieber fever begins with a rash on your gentials that quickly spreads to the brain.