Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   An agnostic is just an atheist who is hedging his bets.

   Look on the bright side parents, at least now you have an excuse not to take the kids to Chuck E Cheese.

   I cannot believe all of these people are out! -Me when I’m out

   Mother's Day is over, back to making sandwiches.

   It's hard to stay in your lane when your life is an endless multi-lane highway.

   If you can't look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you probably still are.

   I did my IQ test online today and got scammed out of $50,000.

   I just put a bra on for the first time in a week and nearly dislocated my shoulder.

   “How was your day mom?” is teenager for I need something that costs money.

   Nobody drops pianos on people like they used to and that’s a shame.

   Forced homeschooling has taught me I had way too many kids.

   my left ovary feels sore. like it was working out. I guess I would say its ovary active.

   if the horse track doesn't open soon, I'm going to lose the only math I remember

   Happy Mothers Day, the day after

   Somewhere out there, is an English teacher waiting 4 school to reopen so that she can give students an essay topic how I spend my lockdown

   And on the second day of the flood, Moses wrote : Captains Log ; Unicorn stew is the Best food ever !

   Think I've spent half the time I've been staying home due to the Coronavirus just scrolling looking for something to watch on Netflix.

   Mandatory !! All mask must be worn with capes!

   Pretty wild how we used to eat cake after sum1 had blown on it..Good times

   Breaking news .. Trump declares murder hornets to be a hoax ... fake news!