Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dog Commercials during the superbowl are the funniest. I'm going to sign my dog for acting classes. At least they be more greatful than those hamsters I sent, who drove of in my KIA.

   "just like a prayer" i'm hopeing madonna dosen't have a "wardrobe malfunction"....nobody wants to see that madge!!!!

   Somewhat, I was waiting to see if suddenly M&M's Bananas would show up on stage!

   this is what has happened when the have Giants won the Superbowl....1987 Black Monday Stock Market Crash,1991 Gulf War part 1,2008 Economy Crashes....2012

   Shouldn't those polar bears have diabetes by now???? #tooMuchCoke

   wut the hell..no more jokes? my fb fanz gon b pissed

   I use to be a tight end... Now I'm a wide reciever!

   harry potter is such a fake movie, like really a ginger with two friends

   Politicians should wear uniforms like NASCAR so we can see who their corperate sponsors are.

   I used to be a looker when I was younger. Or a peeping Tom as the girls used to call me

   Teacher: If I saw a man beating a dog and stopped him, what virtue will I be showing? Student: Brotherly love!

   RING... RING!!! (My Boss) "Hello?" (Me) "hmph gorg jawb forb berk." (My Boss) "Okay, see ya on Tuesday."

   Never trust a pretty face on a dating site

   only bowl tom brady should be playing in is the turd bowl

   Pretty excited that the Patriots and the Giants are opening for Madonna at the Superbowl

   Due to the fear of a nip slip during the Madonna halftime show, NBC will only be filming her from the waist up. 

   I'm having doubts about that dehydrated water I bought for my plastic plants.

   Redneck word of the day, Obama……I bought me a case of beer but I drank it Obama self.

   I got sacked as a bingo caller tonight. Apparently "a meal for two with a terrible view" wasn't the best way to announce the number 69....

   what do you call a man with no arms or legs laying by the front door? matt.