santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I just returned from a Christmas concert put on by the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra, Half way through, the guy on the triangle disappeared.

   They need to stop remaking A Christmas Carol. The Muppets did it the best. Everyone else needs to sit down and move on

   I have a problem with gingerbread people living in houses made of their flesh, but I promised not to bring it up again and ruin Christmas again this year.

   Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down you’re almost there

   Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas play

   Spotted a house tonight with their Christmas lights already up in October and can only imagine that they work for Walmart.

   Opportunity does not knock; it presents itself when you beat down the door.

   If you’ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you’ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.

   Ah, Easter. That lovely time of year that reminds you to take down the Christmas decorations.

   Last Reminder: It's St. Patrick's Day...take down your Christmas decorations.

   I saw a Kenny Loggins "Christmas Time Is Here" CD in the discount bin. I looked at the track listing on the back and was disappointed not to see "Highway To The Manger Zone".

   To All Those Who Received a Book from Me as a Christmas Present....They are Due Back at the Library Today

   My dog wishes everyone a Merry Christmas. Fleas Navidad.

   The least knobby dot, the least knobby dot, the least knobby dot for annual quantum police thee dot… or whatever that Spanish Christmas song is saying.

   What's with everyone calling it "Holiday decorations" back in my day, we called it a little something like Christmas.

   The After Christmas Diet: Breakfast: Leftover lasagna Lunch: Leftover lasagna Dinner: Leftover lasagna Dessert: Leftover lasagna Beverage: Fresh squeezed leftover lasagna

   My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge raclst, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was bIack - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

   Why do atheist celebrate Christmas? Just stop it! You are making yourself look bad.

   I'm sitting here wrapping Christmas presents with one hand. If you find a Band-aid in your gift, don't touch it. I'm still waiting on the test results.

   Can anybody cover my shift tonight? ~ Santa Claus