santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Due to the extreme coal shortage, Santa will be giving out Justin Bieber cds to all the bad kids this year.

   I wish Santa would just dump 100ft of coal around Biden and Nancy Pelosi's house.

   Oh! Oh! Oh!" ~Dyslexic Santa

   Santa, you break into people's houses and eat their cookies; don't judge me.

   Every year, my Christmas list begins with "Dear Santa, my sisters did it. But I have been very good this year, because I'm an angel!

   I sure hope you like your Christmas gift... It's a year's supply of me!

   Dear Santa: For Christmas this year I want a fat bank account and a slim body with sexy abs, but let's not get it mixed up like you did last year.

   Got Christmas card glitter all over me and now I can't stop stripping.

   Don't laugh at adults that still believe in Santa Clause, we have adults that still believe in Joe's build back better.

   I am the reason Santa has a naughty list.

   Santa, you must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during deer season?

   Dear Santa! I want a fat bank account and a sexy body with rock hard abs for Christmas. Let's not get those two mixed up like you did last year.

   Tomorrow is December 1st.... The time when it’s totally fine to put Peppermint Schnapps in your coffee every morning now till Christmas Eve!

   I just returned from a Christmas concert put on by the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra, Half way through, the guy on the triangle disappeared.

   They need to stop remaking A Christmas Carol. The Muppets did it the best. Everyone else needs to sit down and move on

   I have a problem with gingerbread people living in houses made of their flesh, but I promised not to bring it up again and ruin Christmas again this year.

   Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down you’re almost there

   Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas play

   Spotted a house tonight with their Christmas lights already up in October and can only imagine that they work for Walmart.

   Opportunity does not knock; it presents itself when you beat down the door.