Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I was sitting having a poo as you do and thought, wow you know, they should hook something up to the flush button that activates an applause. That would be so cool.

   Ventriloquists would be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts.

   News of Whitney Houston's death travelled with such speed. When I heard I couldn't help but crack up with emotion. She was a real heroin. It's such a blow. She really made a hash of things though.

   For the first time since the early 90's, Whitney Houston has everyone talking about her latest 'Hit.' :/

   It's so cold tonight I saw a Rabbi wearing a flannel Yarmulke!

   RIP to the millions of people who die every day and don't get recognized

   There's going to be a huge line outside of Whitney Houston's funeral next week. Which, coincidentally, is what killed her.

   trying to find a radio station that isn't milking the Whitney Houston death-machine.

   Already heard that Whitney is dead.. apparently 47 seconds before my friends with 3G service...

   IN OTHER NEWS: A picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone next to each other in the hospital bed, side by side for shoulder surgeries, was taken this week. Can you imagine listening and trying to understand that conversation?

   DIDNT WE ALMOST SNORT IT ALL.....

   My 10-top All-star Celebrities on Drugs list is Ruined!!! Anybody wanna trade Drew Barrymore??

   thinks animal testing is a terrible idea; what if they get all nervous and give the wrong answers?

   And now stepping into the on- deck cirle, Lindsay Lohan.

   don't put words in my mouth...my foot is already in there.

   hard to believe that whitney houston died... well maybe not

   Just heard the news Bobby Brown is still alive

   What's the over under on how many times the Bodyguard is on the next few weeks??

   Cant Stop Crying :( Maybe I should get away from these onions.

   kevin costner dropped the ball this time