Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3967 of 6441

Teacher: so what would you prefer to be, a doctor? A lawyer? A pilot? Student: Asleep!
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02-11-2012 15:53
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Posts like "Bad boys ain't no good, good boys ain't no fun. Me and Mr Wrong get along so good, Even though he breaks my heart so bad ♥"....Is exactly why us men only really want sex from women.
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02-11-2012 14:29
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men who fish in another man's pond, catch crabs!
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02-11-2012 13:44
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I'm pretty sure when you sweat, it's just your fat crying.
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02-11-2012 13:33
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Sometimes when I close my eyes I can't see.

Fellaz: Tell her she's ‘beautiful' instead of ‘hot'. She's a woman, not a temperature.
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02-11-2012 13:17 by Czovczov
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Heard Don Cornelius(Soul Trian) commited suicide right after watching the Justin Beirber movie.
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02-11-2012 12:50 by jitty
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I found a new family, will give my family two weeks notice today.
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02-11-2012 12:34
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Always watch your step on an escalator. I once tripped and fell down the stairs for an hour and a half
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02-11-2012 12:27
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I don't celebrate valentines day.

had a Black Out last night .........she was a very lovely girl so I asked her out again for next weekend
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02-11-2012 11:13 by Banjaxed
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do me a favor if anyone sees that groundhog today PLEASE shoot that little s*** !!!!!
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02-11-2012 09:36
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I'm not saying the 8th Annual #PuppyBowl was rigged...I just think someone was getting a little squeaky toy on the side.
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02-11-2012 09:36
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Self Deprecating Humor: making jokes about yourself for a laugh. Self Deficating Humor: pooping your pants just for a laugh.
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02-11-2012 09:27
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I will die one day at a Del Taco, shot dead by a SWAT team after taking several hostages over what I feel is the meaning of EXTRA cheese.
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02-11-2012 08:42
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To the dude who flipped me off in the Starbucks parking lot for honking at him, before taking off like a maniac… You left your breakfast and coffee on top of your car…
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02-11-2012 08:32 by XX-FOXY
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Real Knick fans don't wear Jordans.
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02-11-2012 08:22
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To the dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
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02-11-2012 07:49 by flinnie
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Feel I could meet the woman of my dreams today. Hopefully not the one from the dream where I'm being shot at by a lady dressed as a clown.
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02-11-2012 07:45 by flinnie
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The problem with dating models is the handle of your toothbrush always ends up mysteriously smelling like throat.
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02-11-2012 07:43 by flinnie
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