Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Let's practice for the future: I'll trade you 2 rolls of toilet paper for a cup of sugar, a cup of flour and we switch places in this ridiculously long line.

   It doesn't matter who you vote for, what matters is who counts the votes.

   For some reason, I'm reminded of all the happy people celebrating on the deck of the Titanic right before it left port...

   Just trying to figure out how I'm going to lower my income to under 400k. And then be expected to survive on that!?

   I was thinking....it's going to be really weird when Biden moves into the White House and has to share a bed with Trump because he refuses to leave

   There are two sides to every argument. First and foremost, there is my side, and then there is the side that no reasonably intelligent, informed, sane, and self-respecting person could possibly hold.

   Biden didn't beat Trump. Trump beat Trump by being a complete clown. He ruined all the good that he accomplished by opening his big flaptrap one too many times.

   I believe in doing things in a definitive manner. That being said, in the unlikely event I decide to do any looting, I'm going to loot a lute.

   Pinocchio wins award for being more credible than the pollsters.

   If anyone is going to be alone for Thanksgiving this year please let me know. I need to borrow some chairs.

   you lazy folks will be happy.. free healthcare, free college, what more can a person want

   With all this stress eating, I may hit 270 before either of the candidates.

   Seriously… The Chick-fil-A drive-through workers could’ve counted these votes by now… and they’d give you a “my pleasure!“ while doing it. 😐

   If we are just going to hand the election to the person that gets more votes, then democracy is truly broken...sad.

   The news is reporting we had 100,000 new coronavirus cases in our country. Not sure what you're talking about "magically disappearing"

   One day, I would love to visit the state of JOEgia.

   Feels like the whole country is on Maury waiting to find out who’s the father.

   Remember how people saying the pandemic would be over the day after the election? Well, you haven't seen much about in the news these past few days, have you?

   My neighbor is louder than a spinning dryer drum full of loose change on a groaning container ship being ripped apart by rogue waves.

   Parenting fact: The kid who says “wasn’t me” before you even ask the question is definitely the guilty one