Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   that's it broom I won't stand for this no longer...i dont want you no more...i can stand on my own two feet....just go I know you will sweep some one else off their feet again:(

   After looking at all the androids available, I think I've finally made my decision. I want Data from Star Trek.

   Googled a ninja school.. When I clicked on a page it said "Site not found."

   today is hump day & leap day...this will be tricky

   I tripped over a bra last night, do you think it was a boobie trap?

   no more monkeying around for Davy Jones

   "Hey Referees.... REAL ORIGINAL!!! Idiots." - Zebras

   My brother diagnosed his wife with a terrible condition called Hoover Syndrome where she makes lots of whiney noises but no longer sucks

   My wife is dropping hints about having sex. So I currently playing dead.

   Right now there's a guy at the gym cleaning out Davy Jones' locker.

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 42,337 times you must have b00bies

   I don't know what "Swagger" is but I know Justin Bieber and lil wayne both claim to have it so I'm assuming it's not talent.

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 42,337 times and you are President Obama.

   When starting an IV on a patient do NOT refer to the big IV needles as lawn darts.

   Beatlejuice. Beatlejuice. Beatlejuice........ Well, that was a bunch of BS!

   I wonder what would Meat Loaf do for a Klondike Bar?

   happy birthday to all those born today in 1928...celebrating their 21st birthday

   Today is worse than the day my brothers broke my nose with their stupid football. RIP Davy- Marsha B

   I've done more today than I've done in 4 years.

   Why take Davy Jones?? Peter Tork would have been a much better Monkee choice.