Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What if Deja Vu means you lost a life and started at the last checkpoint

   Well, now Daytona has Juan less jet dryer...

   Jeffery Dahmer's bologna really did have a first name.

   You can't have at(tit)ude without the tit

   found my favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.

   This bitc$ got a million dollar body and a food stamp face.

   My Cousin in Jail just asked me to update his Facebook Relationship Status to "Its Complicated!" ...Man just say you Gay!

   J think Head and Shoulders was on the top of Jeffery Dahmers grocery list

   Why don't Mexico have an Olympic team this year? Because all those who can run, jump and swim are in America!!

   Gotta love Facebook. I can update my status, post pictures and even chat with numerous people.....and nobody knows I'm not wearing any pants.

   I don't see why everybody wants a white iPhone. Everyone knows the black one runs faster.

   Penguins can't fly, I can't fly. Therefore, I am a penguin.

   A 90 year old cashier in the speedy checkout lane.... Good move Walmart.

   Some people cry when they cut onions. I try not to form an emotional bond.

   When ever I eat out at McDonald's, I like to have a Happy Meal... So I leave the wife and kids at home.

   there's something about the people on Doomsday Planners that makes me think they're serious

   Girl look at that body, I work out! Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle...

   Do you know any jokes about sodium? Na

   sickipedia dot org, is the best, and most of the status here are stolen from there

   You paint a pretty picture, too bad it's color by number