Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 390 of 6383
I just want the confidence of the first prehistoric fish who crawled out of the water like screw this Iβm gonna change my life.
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06-19-2020 08:27
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Popeye's Chicken is offensive to guys who have ridiculously large forearms with anchors tattooed on them and really skinny girlfriends.
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06-19-2020 06:46 by Fazzy
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If they are taking all the letters of the alphabet, what will we use?
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06-19-2020 04:51
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Went to Walmart today & y'all should've seen all the commotion. Aunt Jemima, Mrs. Butterworth, and Uncle Ben were protesting, Texas Pete and Capt. Morgan were getting drunk, Little Debbie was working the corner, and Jimmy Dean was showing everybody his sa
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06-18-2020 22:52
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Lego is offensive to people with bad knees.
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06-18-2020 20:34 by Fazzy
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Out of all my body parts, my eyeballs are in the best shape because I roll them like 300 times a day...
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06-18-2020 13:05 by Gabe
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The Log Cabin Syrup logo is offensive to trees
Do people just get up and think about what they can be offended by today?
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06-18-2020 08:54
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When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change, hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
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06-18-2020 08:23
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I called the book store and asked for some new book I had heard about on improving one's sβ¬x life. The clerk said, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." I go, "Yep, that's the one!"
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06-18-2020 06:47 by Fazzy
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And in the end,
the love you take
is equal
to the love you make
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06-18-2020 06:30
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I'm preemptively preparing for the upcoming pancake shortage. π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯ π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯π₯
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06-18-2020 02:42 by Fazzy
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Think the Covid19 is bad?
Wait till you catch the "Blue Flu"
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06-17-2020 21:14
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I'm waiting for them to dump Col. Sanders. Last thing we need right is a fried chicken pitchman who looks like a southern plantation owner.
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06-17-2020 20:55
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When your greatest contribution to the world is peanut butter, it's time to face reality and take your proper place on the evolutionary chart.
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06-17-2020 16:51
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The hippopotamus can run faster than humans on land and can swim faster than humans in water. This means that the only way you can beat a hippopotamus in a triathlon is on a bicycle.
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06-17-2020 15:30
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Dear YouTube: Please just assume that I'd like to "skip ad". You don't need to ask anymore.
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06-17-2020 15:22
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Whoever named the diaper did a lot better than whoever named sweatshirts.
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06-17-2020 15:21
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Crazy episode of Judge Judy on right now. This guy was a month late on his rent and she just gave him the electric chair.
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06-17-2020 15:20
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Despite popular opinion, you can eat fire. You just canβt eat it twice.
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06-17-2020 15:16
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