santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Rationally, I now understand that my parents were always Santa, but I still don't get how they made it to all those houses in one night.

   Just bought an artificial Christmas tree and the clerk asks me, “Will you be putting this up yourself?” “NO YOU SICK CRAZY NUT!! I'm putting it up in my living room!”

   I made the mistake of getting my girlfriend an ipad mini for christmas. Now ipad gets more facetime than me. :(

   My wife's mother was here for Xmas dinner. My youngest says to me, "Hey Dad! When are you gonna do that trick?!?" "I said, "Do what trick?" He goes, "You know. You said if granny comes for Christmas you'd climb the walls!"

   If you received a Christmas gift, but you didn't p ost a picture of it on your FB wall, did you really receive a gift?

   Ok, Christmas lights are up and ready for next year.

   Coworker: How was your Christmas? Me: Fine Coworker: Aren't you gonna ask about mine? Me: Hell no!

   There are 363 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up... Unbelievable...

   Shout Out to the Kids in the Projects that left some Milk & Cookies out for Santa but the Roaches got to it first.

   364 shopping days 'til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.

   says: Well, everyone was dreaming of a white Christmas and well, we got it... Just on a side note - I AM NOT IMPRESSED WITH YOU DREAMERS. NOT IMPRESSED AT ALL!! :(

   Only 364 shopping days 'til Christmas!!

   Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.

   My dog left me christmas present under the tree I had to clean it up

   Merry Hammered People!!!! I'm Christmas!!!!

   guess what I found under the Christmas tree??? Floor tiles!

   I've long accepted the fact my parents were Santa. But what I still don't get is how they manage to deliver all the presents around the world in a single night

   Hope all the gun haters are watching "A Christmas Story" right now, Ralphie just got his Red Ryder BB Gun!

   What time do we take our kids door to door for presents?

   JUST saw Santa jumping from roof to roof with half a dozen cops behind him. Perhaps he lost his Reindeer and they're helping him find them?