aaron Funny Status Messages

   Ever had something dawn on you at dusk?

   I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog's not housetrained.

   My girl, it's difficult to say what she does....she sells sea shells on the sea shore.

   Honestly, I love every single some of you.

   I bet Clint Eastwood uses the most badass denture adhesive available.

   Someday, I'd like to take a train across the country.. but they never leave the keys in them.

   In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.

   Opportunity knocked, but by the time I took off the chain, pushed back the bolt, unhooked two locks and shut off the alarm, it was too late..

   Just caught my girlfreind in bed with my best friend. I threw her out, then grabbed him and shouted, "Bad Dog! Bad Dog!"

   We celebrate Labor Day by not working. Which is kind of like celebrating Arbor Day by paving the backyard.

   You don't know what you've got until you visit your doctor.

   Note to self: I think we should see other people.

   Sure, I've got buns of steel. Just look in the breadbox.

   If it ain't broke, ask it for five dollars.

   "I drive like lightening." "You drive fast?" "No. I hit trees."

   I can stop a speeding bullet. Once.

   I don't know what my credit score is but I'm pretty sure I'm losing.

   I want to make sweet love to your face with my fist. Don't worry, I'll use protection. Wouldn't want my hand to get hurt.

   That's a nice suit. When did the clown die?

   I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.