life Funny Status Messages

   I’ve had the time of my life like ten or eleven times now.

   Last year my friend told me to have the best day ever, so I did. My life has gotten worse every day since then.

   7 years ago I met the love of my life and have been blessed every day since then... I love you Nutella.

   Nothing describes my love life more than watching a declawed cat trying to scratch the sofa

   If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bull crap..

   My wife and I got a book on how to spice up our love life. One suggestion was to make love in a car wash. It was great but it really pissed off those people doing their church fund raiser.

   Some times I just want to control alt delete my life and hit Esc. . .

   A group of mistakes is called a life......... next question

   Pretty sure you could "pull life support" from me just by turning off the a/c

   I just watched Bug's Life and cried the whole time I mowed the lawn.

   "Sealed for your protection!" Should actually read, "Sealed to make your life difficult!"

   Life? Listen to me, kid... You only have to watch River Monsters once,, for your Netflix recommendations to be in shambles

   never in my entire life have I cooked the right amount of spaghetti noodles.

   I have Never faked a Sarcasm in my Life!

   And here's another question I would love all you pro abortion people to answer, if a fetus is not a human life as you contend, how the hell does planned parenthood harvest and sell human organs from one?

   I have enough money to last the rest of my life. As long as I don't buy anything.

   My tombstone will say, "She was a people pleaser most of her life until one day she snapped and had to be taken out by the national guard."

   You know you have been neglecting your own life when you keep up with the Kardashians, know most celebrities’ birthdays and are up to date on most celebrities’ lives and know all their favourite foods.

   No Woman will take over my life again,,,,,whats that, be right there honey.!

   When life hands you lemons. Freeze them until they're rock solid and throw them at people you don't like. . .