Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 3895 of 6388

   messageicon My teacher always used tell me to follow my dreams now it seems I have a restraining order
←Rate | 02-16-2012 02:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just want to play cards with a priest so I can say... Forgive me father for I have ginned
←Rate | 02-16-2012 01:58 by @ryaninco Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why use ADT when you can use an AK-47?
←Rate | 02-16-2012 01:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It seems Animal Planet has combined with CMT...
←Rate | 02-15-2012 23:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon when the police were doing the chalk outline of Whitney Houston's body, her spirit rose up & tried to snort it
←Rate | 02-15-2012 22:42 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been reading a book called '1,000 sexual positions'. I've reached position 176 and apparently from now on I'm going to need a woman.
←Rate | 02-15-2012 22:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I decided to do my own taxes and guess what! I'm getting 4 million dollars back this year!
←Rate | 02-15-2012 22:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Vampires aren't on FB because they can't take pictures of themselves in front of a mirror.
←Rate | 02-15-2012 22:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I write comedy for smart people... that´s why I dont get some of my jokes.
←Rate | 02-15-2012 22:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I'm depressed.
←Rate | 02-15-2012 22:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My recliner rocks!
←Rate | 02-15-2012 22:10 by HeidiAlmighty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I've ever made.
←Rate | 02-15-2012 22:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Happy New Year 2000! Have a fantastic year, and successful 2000!” - New York Alzheimer's Society
←Rate | 02-15-2012 21:43 by XX-FOXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm celebrating black history month by playing Pokemon black version. You know, gotta catch Jamal!
←Rate | 02-15-2012 21:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I locked my coat hanger in the car...it's a good thing I carry a spare set of keys
←Rate | 02-15-2012 21:35 by Banjaxed Comments (0)  


   messageicon great day, everyone stared at my ass....then I found out I had a cheerio stuck right where my hole would be
←Rate | 02-15-2012 21:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon These American Idol constestants are going down more then a porn star at an orgy.
←Rate | 02-15-2012 20:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just took my dog for a walk, long story short, my neighbor sleeps naked
←Rate | 02-15-2012 20:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon dollar menus giving ramen noodles a run for their money
←Rate | 02-15-2012 20:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ID television for insomniacs who dont like info-mercials
←Rate | 02-15-2012 20:31 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left