Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3895 of 6388
My teacher always used tell me to follow my dreams now it seems I have a restraining order
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02-16-2012 02:04
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I just want to play cards with a priest so I can say... Forgive me father for I have ginned
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02-16-2012 01:58 by @ryaninco
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Why use ADT when you can use an AK-47?
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02-16-2012 01:52
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It seems Animal Planet has combined with CMT...
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02-15-2012 23:12
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when the police were doing the chalk outline of Whitney Houston's body, her spirit rose up & tried to snort it
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02-15-2012 22:42 by Eddy
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I've been reading a book called '1,000 sexual positions'. I've reached position 176 and apparently from now on I'm going to need a woman.
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02-15-2012 22:33
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I decided to do my own taxes and guess what! I'm getting 4 million dollars back this year!
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02-15-2012 22:31
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Vampires aren't on FB because they can't take pictures of themselves in front of a mirror.
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02-15-2012 22:27
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I write comedy for smart people... that´s why I dont get some of my jokes.
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02-15-2012 22:25
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I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I'm depressed.
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02-15-2012 22:23
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My recliner rocks!
Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I've ever made.
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02-15-2012 22:08
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“Happy New Year 2000! Have a fantastic year, and successful 2000!” - New York Alzheimer's Society
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02-15-2012 21:43 by XX-FOXY
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I'm celebrating black history month by playing Pokemon black version. You know, gotta catch Jamal!
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02-15-2012 21:43
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I locked my coat hanger in the car...it's a good thing I carry a spare set of keys
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02-15-2012 21:35 by Banjaxed
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great day, everyone stared at my ass....then I found out I had a cheerio stuck right where my hole would be
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02-15-2012 21:17
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These American Idol constestants are going down more then a porn star at an orgy.
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02-15-2012 20:48
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just took my dog for a walk, long story short, my neighbor sleeps naked
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02-15-2012 20:39
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dollar menus giving ramen noodles a run for their money
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02-15-2012 20:33
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ID television for insomniacs who dont like info-mercials
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02-15-2012 20:31
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