Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wonder what they talk about in water cooler factories?

   got a wedding invitation, the bride n groom are registered at US Tractor Supply... I bet the reception is gonna rock

   I dont know what all the hype is about with "Words with friends" and why everyone has to label it something different..... I just call it "Talking"

   A week ago, I really hated people...today I just found out I was cooking them wrong ;)

   Longest minutes ever: 1. Waiting on a text 2. Waiting on your food to get out the microwave 3. Commercial while watching a good show.

   I want that "Damn you are still together?" Relationship!

   When the creator of photoshop dies.. All you girls gone go back to being UGLY..

   FACT: Relationships last longer when everybody doesnt know your business

   /( . why . )\ Happy topless fat tuesday c(¦

   Ugly chiks with cute kids should get charged with kidnapping... Bit& that aint yo baby!!

   New STD called, FEELINGS. Dont catch that s&it.

   If girlfriend has no texts in their phone history, you are totally being cheated on.

   Pimpin aint easy!!! Not that I'm a pimp or anything.. I'm just saying...

   all this news coverage on Whitney Houston and they have missed the real story.... she's been clean for 10 days..

   Thinks womens heads, as the hardest thing known to man, should be studied, to make new bullet proof vest and armor for our tropps.

   When life sucks I sit back and enjoy the head

   Dance like no ones watching. Sing like no ones listening. Live everyday like Maury told you its not your baby.

   Neat thing about being Tom Cruise is if he misses a workout he can just crawl inside a friend's mouth and use his uvula as a punching bag.

   Ladies, I have some really fantastic pictures of beads.

   Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.