Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   X says woman pay thousands to grow their boobs [not jobs!]...I just eat lots of candy and let nature take its course!

   Etc. – used to make people think you know more about a subject than you actually do!

   I'm giving up Religion for lent...

   I wish I was half the man my dog thought I was!!!

   don't smoke, jus take some new prescriptions that can kill you instantly

   just stepped in a huge pile of dog sh!t...smelled so bad, I just left my shoe in it and walked home in my sock

   I'm giving up silly, medieval superstitions for lent.

   I wish the oil companies would give up "ridiculous price gouging" for lent...

   If I can`t easily reach what I dropped…I begin to justify why I don`t need it.

   One thing that all us white guys from the suburbs can agree on is if a black guy has a British accent, we're 85% less scared of him

   I don't run for fun! If you see me running past you, you better start running too because something is coming.

   I am having one of those days where my middle finger answers every question.

   WHAT DO WE WANT? If you have to ask, we're not telling you! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? We don't know! -Women's protest rally.

   I'm thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there's this thing called Google now.

   What's the right age to tell your kids Canada isn't real?

   I forgot Rhianna's ex-boyfriend's name...then it hit me.

   difficulty trusting someone with colored contacts...they have already lied to me once.

   sure dude, you can have a smoke, and i'll light it for you, but tell me, have you ever even bought a pack of cigs in your entire life...oh its ok..yeah, I kno, you'll buy me a pack..ok yea

   found some of my old action figures, so what if Mr. T is driving The General Lee, and GI Joe has to wear daisy dukes..

   work face: open mouth, look up, avoid eye contact, never get asked to do anything important again