Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I use sarcasm because beating the crap out of people is in fact frowned upon in most societies

   Happy "Steak and BJ Day". I'll take both well done.

   Gettin really tired of you emotional women on facebook. Stick some cotton in your crotch, eat a tub of ice cream, curl up to your body pillow, STFU and go to sleep

   Search engine guide: BING = "But It's Not Google!" , YAHOO = "You Always Have Other Option" , GOOGLE = "Great Omnipotent Optimal Guide to Lots of Everything".

   When I was a kid I loved the game kerplunk. Now I play everyday with the insane amt of clutter in my house

   Who are your favorite underground artists?? Mine are Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston

   On a scale 1 to Adele, how tough was your breakup?

   Fixin' to do some mechanic work... Have a rear end to put in my recliner!

   Tomorrow is Steak and BJ Day. I won't be celebrating. It's not like anyone would treat me to Steak and Berry Juice anyway...

   I eat Burger King at every whoppertunity

   I came home drunk last night and my wife looks at me says"Drunk Again" and I said "Me Too!!

   Reenacting scenes from Platoon with Charlie Sheen...

   Rearrange these words: 1) PNEIS 2) HTILER 3) NGGERI 4) BUTTSXE Did you read..........Spine, Lither, Ginger and Subtext?

   Once these h$es realize 1+1= 2 and NOT 3 the world will be a better place.

   I am a nurse, I'm just not registered.

   Happy March 14th to all the MEN out there.... (not sure what it is?? GOOGLE IT)

   If god did not want us to eat animals he would not have made them out of meat!

   if your gonna have a hairy chest at least shave a Superman 'S' in it

   Corned beef and cabbage. Proof that drunk people really will eat anything.

   could someone please tell me whats stopping mcdonalds from selling hotdogs? mcweenies would be mcawesome